Spice Up Your Inbox. Subscribe Today.

enter your email address:


I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year.

Luckily, my sister Quinn helped me with my cooking plan, I mean delegation plan.

We’ve given all the guests assignments but now I’m worried that I told everyone to bring a pumpkin pie. Or maybe no one.  I really should stock up on pumpkin pie. Or you know, look at the list.

Rick is working on Thanksgiving Day and will pretty much walk in the door when dinner is served so he’s helping now by asking me things like, “Is the turkey big enough?”

“I don’t know. It’s a turkey. It’s ordered,” I reply with overwhelming confidence.

“Did you get enough appetizers?”

“I think so,” I reassure him again.

“Maybe you better get some olives,” he recommends.

I don’t know why olives will suddenly make things better but I buy them.

I also ordered a table and chairs and then noticed last night on the invoice that the company is trying to charge me a $35 pick up and delivery fee PLUS an extra $15 fuel charge. In case you’re not a math genius, that’s $50 bucks to deliver my table and chairs about ONE MILE.  I can only assume they are driving a Hummer with a hole in the gas tank or their GPS is taking them through Ohio.

I’m going to have a little chat with the company tomorrow about holiday price gouging, otherwise known as, “We’ll just pick up the crap ourselves.”

And I needed to buy two tablecloths but I didn’t want to spend a lot of money because the last time I used a tablecloth was like 1994.  I’m pretty sure it was in a fancy acid stone wash pattern.

And because I think it’s important to keep your eye on the big picture when hosting an event and not get mired in the details, I decided to just grab whatever they had at the first store,  which happened to be Bed, Bath & Beyond.

And then, because I obviously have buckets of time on my hands with 4 young kids, I also happened to check out the selection at Home Goods, Jembro, Kohl’s, Marshalls, and Target.

Once my table is set, I’ll take a photo and whoever can guess what I spent and where I got the table cloths wins a…. hmm… let me think. Maybe a whole bunch of leftover olives.

17 Responses to an unnatural thanksgiving day host

  • meanwhile my husband’s family won’t let me bring anything! ever. everyone always has a job but despite my offering/pleading they won’t let me contribute a dish. I think they are trying to make things easy on me since I am the newest sister in law but the southern gothic neurotic in me wonders if they just don’t like my cooking.

  • EW says:

    If that table and chairs come through Ohio I’m taking it, at least there will be something clean my 3 kids haven’t used as a napkin or Kleenex. My prep work used to be dusting and mopping. Now I clean unidentifiable items off my walls and couches!

  • Marinka says:

    I don’t even need to see the table cloth to guess. Party City. I get all my festive table cloths there! Unfortunately, I hate olives, so I can’t accept the prize.

  • Susan Kintner says:

    On behalf of all those attending, we thank you for your generosity of spirit, planning, delegating, shopping.space, time, thought and wonderful company. love, mom

  • I just hosted Bunko and almost had a nervous breakdown. And now I’ve got Thanksgiving to do. Awesome. But at least my house is already clean.

    You can’t have a tablecloth – your kids are too young. Don’t they pull on it? I just get those vinyl ones from KMart, by the way. You know, the ones with decorations so they look festive. Martha Stewart would be proud.

  • Nancy W says:

    Olives are important, especially since you have kids. It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without each of the kids having black olives on the ends of every one of their fingers, for a few minutes at least. Then teach them to eat them off, one by one.

  • Rachel says:

    Dude, tablecloth shopping SUCKS! It’s so, so hard to find something that looks nice but doesn’t cost $200. I always get suckered into buying nice Williams-Sonoma ones because…duh, they look fantastic and I rationalize that I will use the heck out of them. Then the kids spill ketchup on them the first time we use it. Sigh. I think maybe I’d better check out those vinyl Martha Stewart ones mentioned above!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

kelcey kintner