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Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman carrying twins:

You look gigantic. Are you due this month? (Now the mom-to-be fears she is carrying amazon children.)

You look tiny. You’re a peanut. (Now the pregger mom fears she is carrying midgets.)

Your belly looks pointy, like a dart. (The mom doesn’t know what to think. Now she’s anxious that she doesn’t even know what to worry about.)

Are you getting full-time help? You’re going to need full-time help. (Not unless you’re paying.)

Did you get all the equipment you need? (Umm… no.  Actually, we are in desperate need of a house. We are trying to buy a house first. Wait, what equipment?)

Are you getting a new car? (We might stick with our Toyota Highlander Hybrid for now. Rick is threatening that we need a minivan.  Please don’t side track us. First we need a house.)

Do you need a broker? I have a great broker. (I’ve got plenty of brokers. I’m actually having a shortage of houses.)

Do you know how to take care of twins? (Is that a prerequisite because I think I missed the course.)

You’re going to be tired. (I think I’m tired right now.)

Four is A LOT of kid (I’ve always wanted four. We couldn’t feel more grateful.)

Did Rick want four? (I think he might have held at two. But I keep telling him that the “f” in four stands for FUN. Please don’t tell him any differently.)

Things you SHOULD say to a pregnant woman carrying twins.

You’re glowing.  (It’s bronzer.)

You’re not carrying your pregnancy in your booty.  (At least not yet.)

Your face looks normal. It’s not bloated.  (Does it look young and fresh and 20 something?)

You look beautiful.  (This compliment works for all women – pregnant or not.)

You already have two kids. You’ll know how to take care of two more. It will be easy peasy.  (You’re probably lying but I don’t care. I love you anyway.)

You look like a pregnant Heidi Klum.  (Ok, now I know you’re lying.)

66 Responses to an easy reference guide for dealing with pregnant women

  • I soooo remember these days from when I was pregnant with my own twins, Matt and Meg. OK, that was 20 years ago but sheesh, some of that stuff just never fades.

    Oh and the one that always got me, despite having my 18 month old standing there next to us when people would inquire as to whether I was carrying a dirigible or twins, and I’d say twins, then they’d ask if they were identical and I’d say, “fraternal boy and girl”…then they’d say, “Oh wow, well look at you, getting both of them all done and out of the way at once!” WTH?

    Funny story…

    When the twins were about six months old we were out shopping. I’d always dress them similarly but ya know, being a boy and girl, not identically! We were coming out of Macy’s with the kiddos in our double stroller. Matt was in a little BOY sailor romper and Meg was in a GIRL sailor dress, including a little navy blue bow taped to her bald head.

    This lady stops us and asks if the children are twins and then she asks their names. I tell her, “Matthew and Meaghan.” She pats Meg on the head and then looks me dead in the eye and asks, “Are they identical?”

  • Emily Keenan says:

    You are beautiful. And the F in four does stand for four. You may even inspire us to go for that magic letter. And it will be easy peasy. You make everything easy peasy.

  • Portia says:

    Twins ARE going to be easy peasy! Each will have in their sibling a friend and partner in crime for life! My twin brother and I were well behaved as kids and we were self entertainers since we had each other. You will love having them Kelcey. Twins is what I hope I have the first go around. Keep glowing!

  • Francesca says:

    Saw Jill’s tweet this morning and am glad I clicked on the link.

    I must admit that I’m confused. I’m almost five months pregnant and absolutely everyone tells me that I am a dead ringer for Heidi Klum. Do you think they are lying? 🙂

    This was a great pick-me-up for pregnant women everyone. Thanks.

  • Lia says:

    People DO say the dumbest things. I’m 37 weeks and everyone tells me that I look too small….which ordinarily I’d take as a compliment, but they look concerned, like my baby’s not growing right, which isn’t the case. hush.

    congrats on your growing family!

  • meg says:

    TWINS are the best! Although I only have two children of my own, I take care of my two nephews so I’m with four children everyday. Some days it’s harder and other days it easier since they all have playmates.
    I’d love to get together soon so I can see your glowing beauty and your gorgeous belly and your lovely girls. xoxo

  • Becky says:

    A to the MEN! When I was pregnant with Ben people would always say “Are you sure you’re not having twins?” or “Wow, you’re HUGE! When are you due?”

    There was one woman I’ll never forget who told me I was the most beautiful pregnant woman. I love her, to this day.

    I’m SURE you look amazing as you always do. And four is the perfect number!

  • Kirsten says:

    I *so* miss being pregnant. Your post was almost enough to make me want a fourth! And then I remember what I’m like w/ a sleep deficit. NOT NICE. I bet you look fab, and I bet you’ll be great with four. Good luck!

  • Cat says:

    I’m sure you look and are (as always) perfectly glorious!
    As long as everyones healthy, who cares about the rest of the world?

  • Lisa says:

    I have twins and I am sorry to report that the stupid people comments are only going to get worse after the babies arrive. Some days we feel like a circus sideshow when we go out of the house and we only have two…sorry.

    But there are more positive aspects that I can count or list and even the extra attention is fun sometimes. Just not when you are getting puked or pooped on and someone is screaming and you are juggling way too many things.

    You look amazing and you are doing a great job (two things I could never hear enough!)

  • Nancy Walton says:

    Seems like everyone wants to see pictures, Kelcey. I’m okay with or without them because I can easily see you in my mind’s eye and I must say, you are glowing (not in the bronzer way) and beautiful!!

  • Jen says:

    Yes, please a belly picture! Well not just the belly, oh you know what I mean. Want to see you prego with twins!
    I’m so happy for the Folbaums – 4 kids will be truly amazing. I am the baby of 5, and it’s so wonderful to have a big family. Big families rule!

  • Rachel says:

    My twins just turned 1 and I have to tell you I am so excited for you. Twins are AMAZING and anyone who tells you differently is just jealous. What could be better, two for the price of one! I like to think of it this way: Singles are just inefficient. I was thinking about writing a book about the stupid things people say to people expecting twins but since you’re so much funnier than me, you can do it in your spare time.
    PS I am sure you look stunning!

  • Jen says:

    Do post a belly picture! Well not just the belly, oh you know what I mean. Want to see you prego with twins!
    I’m so happy for the Folbaums – 4 kids will be truly amazing. I am the baby of 5, and it’s so wonderful to have a big family. Big families rule!

  • Jen says:

    sorry did not mean to post twice. thought the first one didn’t go thru since it told me it was duplicated? sorry!

  • Karin M says:

    Having twins is awesome. Ours are now 8, and we have a 12-year-old as well. People will tell you how tired you’re going to be. Don’t listen: Moms with one baby get tired too. When they’re little, the best thing is watching them sleep together, grabbing each others’ fingers, sucking on each others’ toes. Heavenly. You are going to have so much fun!

  • traci says:

    4 kids?! You’ve got this in the bag. Plus you have 6 other hands to help!! There is a ggggrrrreeeaaatttt house for sell around the block from me. And I am a great baby napper.

    I mean, not like in a creepy I like to nap with babies way, which I do like napping with babies, but I mean like kidnapping babies. Which also sounds wrong.

    Ugh, whatever.

  • Jodie says:

    I agree – I think we need to see that belly!

    When I was pregnant with my second, my husband taught my daughter to call me “big mama.” I taught her to say “big moron.”

  • misty says:

    Belly pics??? And you will do great with Twins… Seriously. Easy Peasy because you’ve already done the baby thing… I DO speak from experience- just experience of a different kind!

  • soccermom says:

    Thanks so much for the Do’s & Dont’s. I have two women in my office that are pregnant. It has been a really long time since I was. I would hate to say something that would distress them.

  • Aimee says:

    dude..you can’t write something like this and NOT INCLUDE A PHOTO!!!! We need the photos to tell you all of the latter things in your post 🙂

  • So much of this sounds familiar. And I love the memory lane stories as well. We moved into our house three weeks before I had my twins and over three years later, the neighbors STILL like to reminisce over how “HUGE” I was was.

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    Nevermind the belly, how about a picture of what’s inside? And a clue as to the names…or do you want suggestions from all your readers?

  • kim says:

    Kelcy… I am sure that you are beautiful, and will figure out how to care for two babies at the same time… I mean there are 3 helpers in the house?! Also, I am betting you will find a house soon… After all, aren’t you the one who said that March is a great time to buy and sell a house?

    Okay, I am wanting to see preggo pictures too! Now get some sleep…

  • Kate says:

    As a recent mom of twins, you forgot my NUMBER ONE thing not to say to an expectant mother-of-multiples:
    “Really? Twins? So, did you do IVF? How many times did you try?”
    This comment is sometimes masked as the slightly more artful: “Soooo….do twins run in your family?”
    Such fun. (But the twins– those truly are a blast.)

  • mommytime says:

    My sister would add to your list: “oh, you’re so lucky; twins are so much easier than single babies because they keep each other company!” To which sis always wanted to respond “oh, goody! will they change each other’s diapers?”

  • Ann says:

    I have seen you in real life and you are so pretty and teeny.

    I, for one, am really glad your not carrying the twins in your ass. Talk about ugly delivery…

  • ~Laura says:

    Congratulations! I have 8 year old twins and number one really struck a chord with me. You will look full term by, oh, around month 6 or 7. So, be quiet people! Don’t make us say “No, I still have a few months to go!” with a fake smile plastered on our faces. Hang in there. Twins really are twice the fun.

  • Becky says:

    Not having enough room in your car and your house is a blessing! The more the merrier!!!
    Congratulations, and here is to TWO healthy babies:-)

  • Tiffany says:

    By the time I was 7 months with my twins, people were backing away from me in fear, like I was going to deliver on their feet. Several times I even had people ask me if I thought it was a good idea that I be out in public since I was obviously mid-delivery. The only time it worked out well was at a baseball game, the people on the end traded seats with us. They did it in case we had to rush to the hospital, I was grateful when I had to rush to the ladies room! And don’t worry, twins was actually easier, for us anyway, they entertain themselves and they have a knack for knowing when the other one needs the attention and they stay quiet. You are going to love it!

  • Heather says:

    i’m a twin, and my mom always says we entertained each other…so perhaps you will have full time help!

    The two most amazing things people said to me while I was pregnant (w/ my 10 lb. baby) was, “Do they make maternity clothes for women your age? (huh?)” and, “your breasts are getting big. Is your husband enjoying them? (my boss!)

    Have fun, and enjoy!

  • I am so excited for you. Oh I hope nobody’s said those others to you. And I’m catching up on posts, so I think you totally look like a pregnant heidi klum. My favorite when I was about 5 months pregnant in July – “don’t be pregnant in the summer”

  • Merrily says:

    Jeez I go away for a little bit and lo and behold! You are a rock star – you are having twins and you have children – I am pretty sure that trumps my giving one child up for adoption and several decades later having twins at an ‘advance maternal age’.

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kelcey kintner