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Chaos makes me completely insane. I am not a girl who should ever move. Unfortunately, I’m a bit late on this epiphany. Because I’m sitting in the middle of complete craziness. I don’t know how I find the inner calmness to blog. I just don’t.

I keep yelling out things to the universe like…

“Who put the knives next to the kid straws in this kitchen drawer?!”

“Why did we store our living room rug folded in half for a year which has resulted in a permanent hilly, puckered effect!?”

“Why the hell is there water dripping from our dining room ceiling?!”

On our second night in the new house, as we gave the girls a bath, we noticed that the tub water was raining down below into our dining room. Obviously, I’m pretty new at this home ownership thing but I don’t remember anyone mentioning that perk at the house inspection.

Baths were temporarily suspended until we could arrange for a plumber to get here ASAP. And from what I’ve gleaned from the plumbing world, “ASAP” means in the next day or so. But hopefully, we now have the situation under control.

Lucky for me, I married an optimist and he, of course, found the small joy in this whole moving process.

“I am so excited to learn that you are a hoarder.”

“What are you talking about? I throw out and recycle everything,” I responded. And I do. Under my dictatorial rules of organization and order, anything left anywhere for more than 20 minutes in our home can be disposed of immediately.

“You hoard tea.”

“I do not. I don’t even drink tea.”

“Oh really? You have pregnancy tea. You have wellness tea. Cinnamon apple tea, six kinds of green tea, English tea, black tea, evening tea, morning tea, chamomile tea, licorice tea, I hate moving tea, you have it all. You are a hoarder of tea,” he said triumphantly.

“Well, I used to drink tea. And when you have guests, it’s just common courtesy to offer them a nice cup of tea.”

My husband obviously put those knives next to the kid straws and is now trying to distract me with his preposterous hoarder theories.

Meanwhile, Las Vegas is currently taking bets on who will be the first (my husband or I) to knock over our new white picket fence with our minivan.

Right now, given my recent fender bender, the Vegas odds are 2 to 1 in favor of me. Happy betting.

26 Responses to a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown

  • Portia says:

    aaaaaah….bittersweet homeownership…at least now you have it all…even the proverbial white picket fence! Take it easy though, those babies need a stress free home at the moment! (You can strangle me at anytime for that last comment.) hee hee!

  • ~Laura says:

    I hoard tea also! People sometimes give you some as part of a food basket gift and you need a variety to offer guests. Yeah, I’m going with those excuses…

  • traci says:

    As one that works to shine lights for you: at least you didn’t just wave goodbye to the packed moving truck, taking your goods to another state, only to remember the following day that your ENTIRE FAMILIES passports are on that truck, and you and your family are set to leave for Holiday the following week.

  • kelly says:

    We had that happen with our tub…all it needed was to be re-caulked where the tub and wall tile met! Hope thats all you need! Good luck in your new home!

  • Terra says:

    I too have a lot of tea. But no one has this stash cornered more than my brother…he my friend hoards the tea! That said, I just realized for 10 years our straws have been in the drawer with the sharp knives…I might just have to post about this and link back giving you credit for the aha moment…but crazy – I never thought about it and it has never been a problem – til today of course because now I have to move them! Knowledge is power!

  • Jordana says:

    Oh just wait, in two months you will be completely unoacked, comfortable and chaos free. What? Oh yeah…never mind ( :

    PS: Michael hoards tea too.

  • Robyn says:

    Oooh, that fence looks like the kind that can jump right out behind your car – be careful!

    Sorry you’re stressing. Moving sucks, no two ways about it.

  • Abby says:

    I hoard tea as well, and I don’t even like tea! I buy that green tea and detox tea and “maybe I will have a house guest who likes tea tea” but I rarely drink it. And I’m moving too and it’s coming with me.

  • poor honey. i’m feeling for you, the moving thing is always utter chaos.

    glass-half-full suggestion: put a bucket under the bath water flowing through the ceiling and you can use it to water your plants.

  • Ann says:

    OMG I hoard dust! Right next to the tea in fact.

    p.s you simply could not be prettier. You should probably stop posting such pretty pictures because then I will read your posts more carefully.

  • Daphne says:

    Save yourself time and angst and just hand your checkbook over to the plumber. We put his kids through med school in the first year of our new house. I should’ve been a plumber.

  • Jen says:

    I’m cracking up reading this post — love the screaming out to the universe! Moving SUCKS esp. while pregnant, but it’s better than moving after baby (or babies in this case!)…as soon as we bought our house, only 5 years old, everything starts to break, chip, leak, wear/tear..never fails. and paying those plumbers for weekend emergency visits really sucks!!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    CANCEL THE PLUMBER….everyone can shower downstairs under the dripping water…start a new trend.

  • Karen Bland says:

    I don’t know how to say this to you….but you need to get help. This help is in the form of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey or a McDonalds large fries – maybe both. I swear, this diet of champions really helps stressed pregnant gals – I’m still weaning off that diet after the last pregnancy!

  • MN Mama says:

    I wish I lived closer so I could help unpack a box or two or have a cup of tea (to make more room in your cabinet). I would like to try to afternoon tea as I am guessing it does not have any caffeine. Hang in there!

  • Denise says:

    Tea hoarding is much appreciated in my world, since I love tea. Umm and leaking plumbing during the first bath?!! I’d have a phone call into my inspector asap and have HIM pay for the plumber.

  • Nap Warden says:

    I am a tea horder! I don’t know why every time the Bro goes to China, he gets me Jasmine tea. I hate it…it’s like drinking potpourri:P Yet, I keep it:/

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kelcey kintner