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As I walked out of Dylan’s preschool today, I started to cry. It’s judylans-first-day-of-preschool.jpgst that kind of day.

It was her first day of preschool. After a year of preschool applications, essay writing (we did the writing), preschool play dates (she did the playing), rejection letters, acceptance letters and preschool bills (they come before the ABC’s begin), we finally arrived at the first day. Unfortunately, there would be no smiling picture of Dylan with her crisp outfit and new backpack. This picture was the best she could do.

As I dropped her off at preschool, her tears were gone. They had been swallowed up by soft, fresh playdough, a painting canvas and new puzzles. She was fine. But I felt sad. Within moments of walking out the door of Village Preschool Center, I saw her waving goodbye from her college dorm. I know she’s three. But why does it feel like I’m going to turn around and she’ll be gone, off on her own adventures, experiencing her own life?

Maybe it’s just the day. Any year, especially this year when it’s Tuesday again. Tuesday, September 11th. I think of all those families, still crying, still grieving, wanting to just talk to their husband, their daughter, their brother again. To say I love you one more time.

All of us, who live with these two and three year-olds, know that some days “challenging” doesn’t even begin to describe the toddler experience. There are days when it’s hard to even like Dylan as she pinches her sister, throws multiple tantrums and seems to relish in making every moment difficult. But I always love her like crazy. And today, I felt like she slipped away a little bit. Got a little older. And it made me cry.

8 Responses to a tuesday to remember

  • Kimberly says:

    This post just made me cry.. I completely held it together yesterday as my just turned 2 year old "mommas boy" happily played with trucks and bid me a farewell on his first day of preschool… but not after reading this… they are definitely growing up so fast.. we must cherish every moment! even the tantrums… someday you'll (and she will) laugh at these pictures!!!

  • Alex says:

    When little Noa decided to walk for the first time this past Saturday I was mostly elated and amazed. But that night I watched her sleeping soundly in her crib and tears came to my eyes. The thing about walking is that, although it is incredibly liberating for both me and Noa, it means that she can now walk away from me. And that thought made me cry.

  • Jordana Bales says:

    What a beautiful post. My first tearful "she's growing up so fast" epiphany came when I realized her newborn/3-6 month clothes were too small (at about 9 months!). This motherhood thing sure is bittersweet!

  • Ilene says:

    You have so many wonderful moments ahead of you that will make you laugh, cry, be so incredibly proud you are sure your heart is going to burst. Just be sure you enjoy each and every one of them, then you will have no regrets just special memories of each one. How lucky you all are!!!

  • This was such a poignant , beautiful piece. All "firsts", especially those of our kids, seem to be at once heart-wrenching and uplifting. While I am now a mom-mom, I feel these things yet again for my grandkids. It is a magnificent part of life and the human condition to experience the process. Wishing you lots of wonderful "firsts" ahead and sending lots of hugs to you all.

  • Daphne says:

    I have tears in my eyes, as I do every year on their first days. Somehow when we aren't looking they go ahead and get older on us. It's so bittersweet.

  • Karen Veronica says:

    Yes! With weeping heart I ponder the awful mess of the world our children are inheriting — but there's still time if we can individually and collectively come to our senses.

  • Kerry says:

    i'm crying…what a beautiful and moving post. a great reminder that as i rush drew off to school every morning, i need to remember how fleeting this time is, and let him meander a bit over breakfast and finding his shoes…

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kelcey kintner