For quite awhile it’s been my belief that Marinka, Wendi Aarons and I are triplets separated at birth. I didn’t share this information with them because I didn’t want them to get all, “Hey can I borrow your sweater from Express?” and “You ruined my cowboy boots and bitch, stop using my hairbrush.” Because I don’t need that kind of stress.
So how do I know that we are triplets? We all have blonde hair. Obviously, you can’t argue with that kind of evidence.
But there’s even more. Wendi and I have been couch shopping at the VERY SAME TIME. Like I’m sure there were days when we asked the Pottery Barn sales guy, “How much is this couch?” and we undoubtedly had the same expression when he said…
Well, that price seems.. uh… spirited.
Due to Hurricane Irene, I needed to buy two couches. We tried to keep an old one but three months after the storm, water was still puddling underneath it. Which somehow seems inconvenient.
We bought the first couch, a sectional, online. I spend more time thinking about my sushi order each week than I did buying that couch. Then it arrived. And I immediately texted my husband.
“THE COUCH IS HERE. IT’S ENORMOUS AND IT’S EATING MY LIVING ROOM. SERIOUSLY. IT’S EATING THE LIVING ROOM. I’M SCARED IT’S GOING TO EAT THE KITCHEN NEXT.”
I’ve since learned three things…
1. I’m not a sectional type of girl.
2. The couch is NOT returnable.
3. I’m learning to like sectional couches.
So now we need to buy a second much smaller couch for another room. So Rick sent me this possibility…
Yes, a white couch.
I wrote back, “I love the couch!!! But where are the kids going to live?”
He still doesn’t quite understand why it would be completely ludicrous to get a white couch. Yet – this man could give you a detailed explanation of the tensions and history of the Middle East. Really blows my mind.
I nixed the couch. And we are still looking. We got a few promising leads at Macy’s. But due to Summer and Dylan acting like crazed jumping monkeys in the bedding department, we had to leave before making any final decisions.
Probably at this point I should just buy Wendi’s old couch. I’m sure she delivers from Texas to New York. At least she’d do it for family like me. Although I may have to fight Marinka for it.