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Last weekend, my sister Quinn, my Aunt Terrell, my husband and I were all sitting around eating dinner when we started discussing Christmas. I brought up the idea of “no gifts” so we could all just enjoy food and each other’s company on this holy holiday without buying each other a bunch of stuff that nobody really needs.

But then we realized we need a lot of stuff.

Mostly things we lost in the flood 3 months ago. I can only assume my sister will cover the wooden floors and my aunt is buying us the fridge, oven and dishwasher. The cabinets are up for grabs if you’re interested.

And then we started listing some smaller ticket items that also have to be replaced…

An electric frying pan

Silpat baking pads

And some kind of big deep pan with a lid.

“Oh, you need a dutch oven,” says my Aunt Terrell.

“A what?” asks Rick.

“A dutch oven,” says my aunt.

Rick thinks: I swear that’s something sexual.

“A dutch oven?” asks Rick.

“Oh they are great!” exclaims my Aunt.

Rick thinks: I swear Kelcey’s aunt is talking about something sex-related. Why is she talking about something sex-related?! This is getting awkward.

“What exactly is a dutch oven?” asks Rick.

“It’s a big pot for slow cooking.”

“Really?! Interesting,” says Rick.

And then he thinks and thinks and thinks and finally he Googles…

Urban Dictionary is on it. Turns out – it’s not something sexual. Just sort of, okay seriously, gross. According to the official definition…

“The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile ass fumes.”

And if you’re still a bit confused on the meaning, they give an example.

“Dave vomited on the sheets when his wife gave him a White Castle dutch oven.”

Okay. That’s pretty much crystal clear.

Oh and there’s an alternate definition.

“A large, heavy pot or kettle, usually of cast iron and with a tight lid, used for slow cooking.”

Ah… You see, that’s what my aunt is talking about.

We can all be grateful for that.

And speaking of gratitude, Happy Thanksgiving!

21 Responses to a post about dutch ovens and gratitude

  • Julie says:

    Hilarious as always, but I call bullshit Rick. I think you fully know the urban dictionary version of a Dutch Oven.

    BTW, I love my gigantic Le Crueset Flame Orange Round FRENCH Oven – the best!! Made Matzoh Ball soup in it tonight. Delish.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Jenn says:

    hahahaha… sorry had to google that. Looked up pics in the hopes that nothing … erm… human would pop up, and I was in luck. We call them Potjie pots here (poy[like toy]key).

    What you really need is a crock pot/ slowcooker. I absolutely love mine with everything in me!!! Put all your food in it, put the lid on, switch it on and Go.A.Way!
    8 hours later you have an awesomelishious stew!
    And an electric steamer. Must have one of those. Put your food in, switch it on, and Go.A.Way!
    30 minutes later your meal is ready.
    Ooohh! Don’t forget the Phillips Air Fryer! Best homemade fries you will EVER have…

    Someone said I was a gadget person and I LAUGHED AT THEM!!! Because clearly I’m not!

  • Heather says:

    The moment I saw the title of this post I thought, “We’re gonna talk about being grateful for a dutch oven? Because the few times my husband has trapped me in one (back when we were dating), well lets just say ‘grateful’ wasnt the emotion I felt. They should really re-name it ‘kick him in the nuts oven’. It’s clearly the best way to get the oven door to open!

  • Seriously? Everyone who ever had a guy friend in college knows what a Dutch Oven is. Sorry.

    Check Marshalls for the second definition of Dutch Ovens. Le Creuset ones were sighted at our outpost for a deal.

  • kristen says:

    there was a roller derby girl named dutch oven from pennsylvania, because she was really PA dutch…very clever and also pretty gross. 🙂

    happy thanksgiving!!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    What would we call the act of a male partner farting while in the throes of hot intercourse; and then announcing ‘tonight is special–you’re getting music along with sex’? A Harmonious Hump?

  • Sarah says:

    After a Dutch oven, you can tell him this joke:

    What does it mean when you have a man beside you in bed moaning and gasping?

    It means you didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

  • Aunt Terrell says:

    I missed a whole week of Diaries while we were away!
    I am still laughing…again….
    Belated Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

kelcey kintner