Last weekend, my sister Quinn, my Aunt Terrell, my husband and I were all sitting around eating dinner when we started discussing Christmas. I brought up the idea of “no gifts” so we could all just enjoy food and each other’s company on this holy holiday without buying each other a bunch of stuff that nobody really needs.
But then we realized we need a lot of stuff.
Mostly things we lost in the flood 3 months ago. I can only assume my sister will cover the wooden floors and my aunt is buying us the fridge, oven and dishwasher. The cabinets are up for grabs if you’re interested.
And then we started listing some smaller ticket items that also have to be replaced…
An electric frying pan
Silpat baking pads
And some kind of big deep pan with a lid.
“Oh, you need a dutch oven,” says my Aunt Terrell.
“A what?” asks Rick.
“A dutch oven,” says my aunt.
Rick thinks: I swear that’s something sexual.
“A dutch oven?” asks Rick.
“Oh they are great!” exclaims my Aunt.
Rick thinks: I swear Kelcey’s aunt is talking about something sex-related. Why is she talking about something sex-related?! This is getting awkward.
“What exactly is a dutch oven?” asks Rick.
“It’s a big pot for slow cooking.”
“Really?! Interesting,” says Rick.
And then he thinks and thinks and thinks and finally he Googles…
Urban Dictionary is on it. Turns out – it’s not something sexual. Just sort of, okay seriously, gross. According to the official definition…
“The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile ass fumes.”
And if you’re still a bit confused on the meaning, they give an example.
“Dave vomited on the sheets when his wife gave him a White Castle dutch oven.”
Okay. That’s pretty much crystal clear.
Oh and there’s an alternate definition.
“A large, heavy pot or kettle, usually of cast iron and with a tight lid, used for slow cooking.”
Ah… You see, that’s what my aunt is talking about.
We can all be grateful for that.
And speaking of gratitude, Happy Thanksgiving!