Spice Up Your Inbox. Subscribe Today.

enter your email address:


Last year something very strange happened to me.

I was volunteering for the elementary school fair in the sand art room. And then I must have been drugged and passed out because a few days later, I found out that I been promoted from sand art minion to future co-chair of our school auction.

It’s all still very fuzzy. But I believe a close friend (let’s call her Ronica) remarked on my great leadership and cognitive skills in the sand art room. (It must have been because I suggested we put out more plastic snow cone key chains due to their overwhelming popularity.) And then Ronica gushed how these skills would be ideal for the role of auction co-chair.

At this point, my alarm bells were going off and I said I would absolutely mull it over which really meant, “I’m going home to watch my new favorite sitcom which will be canceled after one season and let’s never speak of this auction thing again.”

But then another mom approached me at a birthday party and actually said it was my civic responsibility to be auction co-chair and suddenly I was filled with patriotic pride and how could I let my school down and my country down and the President down and our troops down and if the military could kill Osama Bin Laden then I certainly could help plan an auction and well, I said, “yes.”

And that’s how I ended up as co-chair, sitting in a tennis skirt at my daughters’ school cafeteria for a PTO meeting in the hopes of convincing other patriotic parents to sign up for the auction committee.

There were a lot of other committees for parents to choose from so my co-chair and I decided to sweeten our offer, promising things like this on the sign up sheet….

A lot of parents signed up which means there is obviously a great suburban demand for hot strippers.

8 Responses to a cautionary tale: how i became co-chair of the school auction

  • Abby says:

    I am disappointed that you believed that it was your “civic duty” – you got duped, girl. And sign me up for contributing an hour of my time for college counseling services. Your kids may be young but someone might buy it. πŸ™‚

  • You are a good ‘merican and I’m sure Barack & Michelle are applauding you right now and then whispering to each other “suckah…” Of course, what a surprise to those parents who signed up to help when they find out that *they* will be the hot strippers at the auction, in a sort of reprise of “The Full Monty.” Would that be a helluva fund raiser, or what?
    I ran the PTA (and the auction) for several years, a while back. I’m still suffering from PTSD…(post-traumatic-school-disorder). Good luck. Remember, if people don’t help, you can threaten to out them on your blog. heh heh heh

  • Becky says:

    I am terrified my parent/teacher conference today might turn into some similar type of volunteer gig. If that happens, I’m totally stealing your wine and strippers idea.

  • Laurie says:

    I must have aced civics too – and I’m not even an American. I find myself as Winter Carnival co-chair (WTF was I thinking?!), bringer of goodies for Teacher Appreciation lunches (@ least that involves baking and sampling!), and Girl Scout co-leader (Seriously – WTFFFFF IS wrong with me?) BUT – I do all of this, grateful that I am not on the Auction committee. The day I am asked to do that is the day I finally whisper no.

    Good luck and good sipping/stripping! πŸ™‚

  • Laurie-MA says:

    Be careful about doing TOO good a job! You’ll be auction co-chair even after your youngest ones graduate from high school. Trust me–I teach and I’ve seen it happen!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

kelcey kintner