If you are looking for calmness in the last week of the campaign, keep moving because you won’t find it here. I actually specialize in hysteria these days. It’s sort of an underrated, niche field.

I am sick to my stomach about the new polls showing Obama only 4% points ahead. So I decided I was tired of all the Reauters/C-SPAN/Zogby polls and damn it, I’ll just do my own polling.

Now I didn’t actually talk to anyone (with my weekly phone banking, I’ve sort have gotten my fill of “Hi Stranger” contact). But as I passed folks on the street, I did really focus on their political vibe.

Based on this scientific analysis with perhaps a slight margin of error, Obama has about a 97% lead here in Manhattan’s West Village.

Do the rest of you have to vote?

I keep emailing my friends and asking… So is Obama going to win? As if they have some kind of magic, insider knowledge that I’m just not privy to.

And it’s not like I don’t have other crap to worry about.

For example, I’ve really slacked off when it comes to worrying about Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman. Are they really back together? I mean, I just love that couple. They belong together, don’t they?

Or I could be troubled by conversations like this with 4 year-old Dylan:

“I’m the mommy. And Summer is my baby. Ok?” Dylan says as we sit down to play.

“Ok. That sounds good,” I respond.

“And you can be the grandmother,” Dylan explains.

“Do you think I’m old enough to be a grandmother?”

“Yes, I do,” Dylan insists.

Hmm…

Or I could be concerned about these two guys who suddenly appeared without any notice on my 5th floor balcony.

They looked pretty legit with their brushes and goggles. I figured they must be fixing something.

But how did they get up there exactly?

No, no I didn’t concern myself with any of the details. I just waved and went back to cleaning up the apartment and checking polls on Real Clear Politics.

Ok, there’s only one week left and after the election, I positively, absolutely promise you that I will end this nonstop political obsession. So hang in there. We just gotta close this deal.

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!