Did you know there is a big tech thing going on? It’s the International Consumer Electronics Show. It’s taking place in Las Vegas so I can only assume that most of the people attending are drunk.
At the show, companies show off their cool gadgets like the smart belt that loosens your buckle when you’ve eaten too much (think the opposite of Spanks). It’s called the Belty. Can you imagine how many hours went into thinking up that name?
This smart belt automatically adjusts itself throughout the day, depending on how much you’ve eaten and how much exercise you’ve done. So basically, take the stairs at work or your belt will be mocking you for eating that Boston creme pie you had at lunch by calling you Fatty. Thanks Belty!
It also keeps track of your overall health, and encourages you to get moving when you’ve been sitting for too long by vibrating. Which will probably make you think you have text messages. But nope. You’re just being too lazy. According to your belt.
There is also the Baby GiGL, a smart baby bottle holder. Now I immediately assumed this bottle could magically feed a baby in the middle of the night without waking the mother but apparently it just helps parents keep track of how much and how quickly a baby is drinking (Not alcohol. Milk.)
It also gives you feedback on how to properly hold the bottle at a particular angle so the baby doesn’t swallow air. It’s $100 bucks. Which is also the cost of nice dinner out. So you decide which you need more after having a baby.
And then there is the ring. It’s like an amazing engagement ring except it’s really ugly and doesn’t come with a groom.
This $130 ring turns you into a wizard of sorts, allowing you to wave your finger around to close their curtains, turn on televisions, and flip on lights. If you’ve always wanted to be a magician, this is really your jam.
Of course, there is a disclaimer that the ring can cause itchiness, irritation and rashes. But isn’t that worth it if you don’t have to undertake the laborious task of flipping on your light switch?
The ring will also vibrate when you are getting a text message or social media notification. That way you won’t miss one Tweet, Facebook update or text.
Because we all made a New Year’s resolution to spend more time looking at our phone.
You know what gadget they need to invent? The one which makes me super alert and interested when my daughter is taking 15 minutes to describe a recent “Jesse” episode. Or maybe one that always keeps children hydrated so they don’t immediately ask for water every single time they get in the car. Or maybe one that just stops kids from growing up so ridiculously fast.
I’ll be looking for those at next year’s Consumer Electronics show.