2. Wondering why someone just created the word’s fastest hot tub (like you can actually drive it) but no one has created a machine for children that applies sunscreen and removes lice at the same time.
3. That I will be forced to hold my pee for 3 hours (despite taking others to the bathroom) because it seems too overwhelming and exhausting to figure out how to put my baby down and pee too.
4. That I will deeply long for naps.
5. That I will be asked a lot of questions about how things are built. I finally had to explain to my kid that I am not an engineer. He now has a lot of questions about engineers.
6. That my child will ask if I am still pregnant. I’m not.
7. That my child will ask me why I am wearing pajamas at the grocery store. I will explain they are formal yoga pants. I will swear my kid just said, “If that’s what you want to tell yourself” under her breath but I can’t confirm this.
8. That my baby can cry all night long and in the morning I will rush him to the pediatrician’s office and the doctor will confirm that it is absolutely nothing. Probably a gas bubble. Maybe teething.
9. That I will pay for entire season of soccer and my daughter will not place one cleat on the field.
10. That I will pay for entire session of swimming and another daughter will not place one foot in the pool.
11. That siblings can argue about absolutely anything. Like who gets to go first, even though they can’t remember first for what.
12. That I will be willing to pay almost any amount of money for direct flights to avoid a layover with 5 children.
13. That Junie B. Jones would get herself into so much dang trouble.
14. That I will yell at my children to stop yelling.
15. That people will keep telling me that I will blink and my kids will be grown. I know this is true but I also have not yet developed my Stop Time Super Powers so I don’t know what they want me do about it.