You know what’s really awkward? When your 2 1/2 year-old poops on your friend’s rug.
Let me back up.
I finally potty trained my 2 1/2 year old twins.
The secret was getting them out of the pull-ups and into underwear. At first, my dad kept trying to sabotage my efforts by putting them back into pull-ups.
Apparently, he found the new “underwear strategy” problematic because the twins would you know, go to the bathroom in their underwear.
But I finally got my dad on board and then it just clicked with the twins. I felt so free! No more diapers!! Yahoo!!! And then because there is always someone who wants to bring you down, a friend reminded me that I was having a baby.
Well, no more diapers for right now!
Anyway, it was all going really really well until I was at a friend’s house and Chase came up to me and said, “I peed in my pants.”
And I was all like, “That’s not possible! You are potty trained. We are done with that. Go play.”
But he was all like, Mom look at me, I’m a mess.
And then I realized it didn’t smell like pee at all.
And then I realized, not only wasn’t it pee, it was all over him and there was some on the carpet and then I rushed him to the bathroom and yelled for Rick because I needed spousal back up IMMEDIATELY.
Rick came rushing around the corner and I said, “Get some carpet cleaner but don’t make it obvious.” Which of course is a ridiculous request because what is the subtle, low key way to madly search for carpet cleaner is someone else’s home?”
Anyway, both Chase and the carpet got scrubbed down and thankfully clean.
I think this was just a momentary blip in our potty training success story, most likely sparked by Chase eating 47 crackers, cheese spread and a few bites of crab cake. (That number of crackers is just an estimate because I wasn’t paying attention to him at all.)
It’s really just another exciting chapter in my new book, “How To Potty Train Your Child in 30 Days or Less.” The chapter is titled, “It Wouldn’t Hurt To Carry Carpet Cleaner in Your Diaper Bag.” I think it will come right after, “Crackers. It’s What’s For Dinner!”
Oh, I’m not writing a book.
That would be exhausting. I just write titles.