We lost a bunch of our stuff when Hurricane Irene generously dumped 10 1/2 feet of water in our house, including a couple toddler beds that we were storing in the basement.

So a friend, who was getting rid of her kid’s toddler bed, offered it to me. I said, “Hell, yes.”

And then she actually wanted me to pick it up.

Which seemed really exhausting because you know, it’s a bed.

One morning I thought about sending Rick over to pick it up but I think he was consumed with watching Kathy Lee & Hoda and I hated to interrupt him.

And anyway, I thought a much easier plan of action would be to skip the whole “manual labor” thing and have either Chase or Harlowe just go over and sleep at my friend’s house when the time came for them to transition into a toddler bed.

But then the other night, we got back from a Passover seder at my in-laws and found this…

Yes, that’s a toddler bed on my lawn.

No delivery charge apparently.

So I guess when Chase and Harlowe are done with their cribs, I can just have one of them sleep in the yard.

mama bird notes:

Hope you all had a great holiday. These are my two favorite videos from the weekend. The first is Chase wearing a makeshift Easter bonnet…

And this is my in-laws and kids doing dance Wii on Easter morning. Right after we ate mountains of Easter candy and fried Matzoh. Who do you think had the best moves?

Sometimes children make strange choices.

Like over the weekend I actually had to ask my 7-year-old daughter, “Why would you rubber cement your doll’s hair to her forehead?”

By the way, the word, “ask” is an euphemism for “yell” in this particular scenario.

And Dylan explained that she wanted the dolls bangs to lie flat, instead of sticking straight up. At which point, I made a note to introduce my daughter to this fancy new gizmo called a barrette that can magically make hair do things.

And then later in the day, we were playing at the YMCA and 22-month-old Chase was insisting on bringing his water bottle onto these soft mats where all the kids were running around.

Now I can only imagine that Chase is training for some kind of half marathon because his intake of water is enormous.

I kept telling him to sit down with his water and he kept demanding that he run around with it. It was 4:30 pm and I was tired and well, I gave up. And I don’t want to spoil this story for you but yes, he did indeed spill that water all over a mat about 3 minutes later.

I sprang into action to clean it up.

Well, I meant to.

I was going to pull out a wipe but I I didn’t want the twins to descend on the diaper bag like desperate vultures in search of snacks so close to dinner time.

Instead, I thought about running to the bathroom to get paper towels but I distinctly remember from high school chemistry that water evaporates so I decided to let nature take its course. Plus I sort of just forgot about the whole thing

And a little bit later, I suddenly noticed some kind of CSI forensic unit surrounding one of the play mats. (It may have been one YMCA employee and a few parents but who can say exactly.)

They were circling the mat with alarm and apprehension.

At first I was like – “Hey, I wonder what is going on over there.”

And then I remembered. So I bounded over.

“Hey! Sorry about the spill,” I said.

“We are very concerned this might be urine,” the head investigator briefed me.

“Oh! No, it’s not pee. It’s water! My son had this water bottle and then he spilled it and I meant to clean it up but I didn’t have any napkins and well, evaporation is not as quick a process as you would think,” I explained.

“Are you sure it’s not urine?” he asked. Man, these guys are thorough.

“Totally sure,” I insisted.

And in case you think there isn’t any karma in this world for leaving a water spill and causing a YMCA urine crisis, this week I was walking down the street with Chase and Harlowe and Chase decided to pick up TWO pieces of dog poop. With his bare hands. Just because.

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I managed to clean that up right away.

Very very few people talk about the dark side of Easter. It’s all chocolate eggs, white fluffy bunnies and pretty Easter outfits.

But this holiday has a dark underbelly.

It all starts with the fun family activity of dying Easter eggs. And ends like this…

Those are my 5-year-old daughter’s hands.

So like any good mom, I send her to the bathroom to wash them and she returns with them looking like this…

She starts to get very weepy and I want to console her but she looks like she is turning into the Incredible Hulk and it’s not the most awesome look for a young girl.

I immediately google, “How To Get Easter Egg Dye Off Your Hands” and I find this gem…

“Put cooking oil and sugar and use it as a scrubber and then take a bath and it works like magic.”

I immediately mix canola oil and brown sugar in a bowl and make my girls wash their hands in it. On the plus side, my 7-year-old Dylan (whose hands are not nearly as bad as Summer’s) seems to have a real passion for exfoliating scrubs. She says, “My hands feel SO soft and smooth. I love it. I want to do this again tomorrow.”

On the down side, absolutely no dye comes off. I immediately disregard the “take a bath” part of the advice because somehow I doubt the “magic” will suddenly kick in.

Now Summer is sobbing uncontrollably. Green hands really bum a kid out.

I feel a little more panicked. Mostly because my soothing words, “I’m guessing this dye will not still be on your hands by next Easter” hasn’t helped at all. I google again and this time find another idea… lemon juice.

Which does not work either. But Summer’s green hands now have a nice citrus smell.

Next I try dishwashing soap. Summer intensely scrubs and scrubs her hands as if she is about to enter the operating room to perform cardiovascular surgery.

And after about 5 to 10 minutes, it happens. The dye starts to fade.

At least enough that she is willing to go to sleep and keep working on it tomorrow.

Here’s the cheat sheet for getting Easter egg dye off your hands:

A lot of tears, dishwashing soap and patience. Good luck.

I never got this Ryan Gosling crush thing. What is so great about him? He just looks so boy next door. Like I could have told you that his Wikipedia bio would say “Mickey Mouse Club” before I even read it.

I’ve always preferred my guys a little more rugged. Tousled hair. More brooding. Sweatier.

Like Rick Santorum in a ripped, sexy sweater vest.

No, that’s not right.

I meant to say… a Bradley Cooper/Tim Riggins/ Coach Taylor hybrid.

But Ryan Gosling?  I’ll admit that it didn’t help that I sort of thought Jason Lee and Ryan Gosling were the same person. I have no idea why. My mind can been a strange place. At least I’ve now stopped saying, “Ryan Gosling was really good in Vanilla Sky but I did not understand what the hell was going on in that movie.”

But then something happened. I rented Crazy Stupid Love.

(Remember when we all went to Blockbuster to rent movies instead of pushing the “On Demand” button on our remote. Isn’t it so quaint to think of getting in the car, starting it, driving to Blockbuster, perusing the racks, praying they have your movie in stock, and then bringing it home so your significant whatever could say, “Oh that one? Why did you get that one? I don’t want to see that.” And then you scream, “Then go to Blockbuster yourself you jerk!!)

Anyway, I watched Crazy Stupid Love and I started to understand this Ryan Gosling thing. You know, the way fashionistas seem to understand the merits of color blocking and mixing patterns. And by the way, when did we all start saying, “color blocking” like it was normal?

First of all, Crazy Stupid Love is really a good movie.

And second, there is something very very appealing about Ryan Gosling. (He’s one of those actors that you have to use his full name every time you mention him.)  His abdominal muscles are insane. And he’s just boyishly cute and charming. So I get you Ryan Gosling lovers. I finally get you.

Other new crushes I may need to discuss in the future….

1. William Levy from Dancing with the Stars (a new, improved and hotter version of Harry Connick Jr.)

2. David Walton from the  show Bent with Amanda Peet. (My contractor did not look this guy and now I feel cheated.)

So to recap my post…

Ryan Gosling is not Jason Lee. Ryan Gosling is super cute. So are William Levy and David Walton. I hope my husband knows how much I love him even though I’m writing about celebrity crushes. I still don’t understand the movie Vanilla Sky. Crazy Stupid Love is a much better flick. Blockbuster is old school and caused a lot of fights. The end.

Location: Hair salon in downtown NYC

I am sitting under a dryer. This is an integral part of the highlights process where I am told to keep my chin up which requires me to hold up a 374 page Elle magazine.

My shoulders and neck ache but I must persevere if I want to keep reading a soul exposing interview with American Reunion star Jason Biggs. His wife apparently once hired him a hooker for his birthday and then she wrote about it for Playboy.

Wait… what?!

Oh and he shows full frontal nudity in this latest American Pie installment.

Seriously.. what?!

Time to rinse.

Now the haircut. I’m trying a new guy. Perry.

Perry the hairdresser, who used to live in New York City and then moved to San Francisco but then moved back to NYC because SF because people have a different mindset. Here’s the proof. He’s a smoker and those Californians frowned at him when he threw his cigarette butts on the ground.

What is wrong with those uptight West Coasters? Let me remind you of my high school motto: Long live toxic water from cigarette butts.

I can only imagine Perry’s relief to return to Manhattan where you can literally throw cigarette butts, trash and even yourself on the ground and no one will notice. New Yorkers will just step over you as they make their way to their destination.  Home sweet home.

“So were you happy with your last haircut?” Perry asks.

“Umm… I guess.”

“Was there anything you wanted the person to do differently?”

“Umm… not really.”

Pause. I continue.

“Well, to be honest, I had it cut at a kid’s haircut place. I was there with my daughter and it only cost 40 bucks to do mine. Of course, they didn’t wash it or style it. But they did trim it a bit. So yeah, that’s what happened.”

“I’ve never been to one of those places,” says 20-something Perry. “They have those cars that kids can sit in right?”

“Exactly. But I didn’t sit in one of the cars. Really. I didn’t. I thought about it. Because well, who doesn’t want to sit in a hot pink Barbie car on a Tuesday afternoon but they didn’t offer it as an option and well, it felt awkward to ask. You know?”

Pause. I continue.

“So anywho – are you planning to see American Reunion? I am hearing a lot of Oscar talk. Jason Biggs has been overlooked by the Academy for far too long. Don’t you think?”