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This week, I dropped my two older girls at camp, threw the 3 little ones into the car and was about to head to the pool when I realized… the car was dead.

I had already parked in the fire lane so how fitting that I had a true emergency on my hands!

Back in my naive twenties, I would have actually called AAA and waited for an hour and a half until a greasy guy named Al showed up (no offense to all the non greasy Al’s) to jump start the car.

I called AAA a million times in my twenties and never once had a hot guy show up which I think is a very underreported form of discrimination because the company is obviously not hiring handsome people. I always meant to look into that but then I got distracted by important stuff like “Melrose Place.”

Once I realized the car was dead, I called Rick who was on his way to a very important haircut. Important because if he doesn’t get it cut, it gets very poofy and then the fine folks from CBS in New York have to call all the way down here to Miami and remind Rick that he really needs a haircut because it’s not 1978.

But thankfully Rick delayed his haircut and showed up to help me. We took out the jumper cables. Connected the red to the red. Connected the black to the black. Bam! The car caught on fire.

Seriously, why do you underestimate me?

No, it did not catch on fire. The car started! So I headed off to the pool with the kids.

While we were at the pool, I let the car run for an hour in the parking lot. I was secretly hoping my used gold minivan would be stolen but unfortunately people were too busy swimming and enjoying their non-minivans to steal my car which is a real missed opportunity for them.

I finally shut off the engine, went back to the pool and returned a bit later. At which point, I found my car…of course, dead.

As luck would have it, Rick was back with his new sporty hairdo, swung by the pool and we jump started the car again.

You know – I’m no auto mechanic, but I started to wonder if maybe there was something wrong with the car.

We brought it to the shop and yes, it did indeed need a new battery. Which I was told was good news because that meant it didn’t need a new starter or new sun roof or something. Honestly, I wasn’t really paying attention.

I got the car back by 1:30 pm. I know, all this happened by 1:30 pm! If you can jump a car twice before 1:30 pm, imagine what you can do the rest of the day! (I accomplished nothing the rest of the day.)

Wait, did you click on this post to find out how to jump start a car? Sorry. These are the instructions, although please keep in mind that I am not a car expert or really an expert on anything.

1. Put the hood up. Finding the latch that pops the hood is seriously the hardest part.

2. Find some poor sap in the parking lot who can help you by parking his car facing yours. If he pretends to have an urgent dentist appointment, talk about karma, paying it forward and random acts of kindness. Mention that woman who just bought a stranger $120 worth of diapers. Certainly, he can give you 5 minutes.

3. Get out the jumper cables.

4. Put on your goggles and your gloves.

5. Obviously, you don’t have goggles or gloves.

6. This is the part where you really have to pay attention. Connect the red clamp to the positive (red) terminal on the dead battery.

7. Connect the other red clamp to the positive (red) terminal on the good battery in the other car.

8. Connect the black clamp to the negative (black) terminal on the good battery.

9. Connect the other black clamp to a piece of grounded metal on the dead car.

10. Do not do any of this if you are color blind.

11. Start the engine of the good car. Then start the engine of the dead car.

12. Remove the jumper cables once the car starts. Do this in the reverse order in which they were attached, and don’t let any of the cables or clamps touch each other.

Got it?


You know what? Never mind. Just call me. I’ll do it.


I knew when I moved to Florida I was going to have to get serious about sunscreen.

Apparently I did because the rumor on the street is that our family “applies sunscreen like it’s lotion!”

You can imagine what’s involved in applying sunscreen to 5 children each day and then even considering reapplying after 80 minutes of swimming and/or sweating. Obviously, I’ve told my kids not to swim or sweat to avoid that nonsense. (Also best to not dance in small towns per Ren McCormack.)

They say you can’t apply too much sunscreen but I know that’s not true because I once applied too much sunscreen into my daughter’s eye and she is still pissed off.

Sometimes I like the sunscreen sprays. Sometimes the cremes. I always like to buy the more natural ones unless they are $11,000 dollars a bottle. I’m always worried about running out so I’m sort of a sunscreen collector.  And by collector, I mean hoarder.

I insist on rash guard shirts at the beach. I am waiting for the full body rash guard outfit to come into style.

We were recently at the Jersey shore and I had the opportunity to apply sunscreen to my kids and their cousins. It was pretty much an all day activity but worth it because of the gratitude on their faces….

sunscreen - chase

sunscreen - dylan

suncreen - reed

sunscreen - harlowe


sunscreen - summer 3

sunscreen - josie

sunscreen - jake

sunscreen summer 1

You’re welcome children. You are welcome.

(Yes, Summer is shown twice because of her epic dislike of sunscreen.)


We just got back from 2 weeks up north. We only managed 3 visits to urgent care so next time we are going to try harder. Given that I flew up alone with the Jackson five, I figured it would be cake coming back with Rick along for the ride.

Except that we had to drive from the Jersey shore to JFK airport.

There was a lot of traffic that our GPS lady seemed to know nothing about  - although a special shout out to Ms. GPS for the lovely scenic tour through Brooklyn with 1-year-old Cash crying as our soundtrack.

Then we dropped off our rent-a-car, with a half ton of crushed cheese nips in the back, at Enterprise.

Where we were told we had to take a shuttle to an AirTrain to a lengthy walk to our terminal.

With 4 suitcases, 3 carseats, 4 carry ons and THE children.


This is Rick half way through that little journey…

rick on AirTrain JFK

We did finally get on the plane. With 10 minutes to spare. And there really is nothing like the relief on passengers’ faces when a family with 5 children makes it on board just before the doors shut. I could tell they were all rooting for us.

I love flying at night because it seems so peaceful…

cash on plane at sunset

I mean, except for 4-year-old Chase saying “I have to poop” for about an hour.

But because of take off and choppy air, I couldn’t take him.

I am a real stickler for following airline rules, so I kept saying, “Just a few more minutes Chase. We can’t get up yet.”

But I finally realized the kid was not going to make it to Ft. Lauderdale without a bathroom break so I eventually got up with the seatbelt light still on. I know. I haven’t felt that rebellious since I smoked clove cigarettes in my backyard in junior high.

We finally arrived and with only one lost bag, we made it home! I really never get too frustrated with airline travel because they fly you from one city to another. In a big plane. With snacks and television. And that seems like some sort of unexplainable magical phenomenon so I can’t get too upset over a missing bag.

We really had an amazing vacation.  We saw so many great friends and family and it made me miss everyone all the more.  I was happy to be back in our own beds in Florida but it just doesn’t quite feel like home. At least not yet.

My friend Meredith sent me this photo to help me feel better….

parker in the snow

That’s her daughter. Thigh deep in snow. Sometime this past winter.

Yeah, that helps. A lot.


Usually in a couple, there is one person who is the worrier. If possible, you want to be the non worrier.

Then you can spend your life thinking about whether baby North’s diamond earrings are big enough


and you don’t have to spend your life stressing about the state of the world, whether your children are safe and how often you should reapply sunscreen.

Unfortunately, I am the worrier in the relationship. This is a huge burden. I don’t want to be the worrier. Sometimes I say to my husband, “Why don’t you worry more?” And he says, “Because you have it covered!”

Great. Now I have to worry about everything I normally worry about, plus everything he should be worrying about.

But once in awhile I get a break. Like a few weeks ago when four of my kids discovered this awesome game where they threw laundry over our 2nd floor railing. Then they ran down, retrieved it and did it again.  (Not as great a game as actually doing the laundry but it did keep them busy for quite awhile). I thought the whole thing was funny and sent Rick a photo.

Here are the twins throwing laundry over the ledge…

twins throwing laundry 1

(I had to edit out their adorable nakedness.)

Rick thought this game looked dangerous – envisioning one of the twins toppling over the banister but I really wasn’t worried.

Wait – I just became the non-worrier! This is so freeing! So liberating!! I love this new me. Rick can anxiously concern himself with our children’s safety. I’ll just sit back, enjoy life and know that he’s got it covered.

And I was really enjoying this new role of mine…  until we went to the busy Atlantic City boardwalk with 8 kids (four of ours plus some cousins) at night and I was on full alert trying to keep track of them.

atlantic city

One was lagging behind. One was too far ahead. Wait, how many did we have in the beginning?

Damn, I just became the worrier again.

It was a good run while it lasted.


Thank you to Leigh Ann Torres for including me in her piece on Hilarious Moms Around the Web! Of course, she featured my good friend Wendi Aarons first on the list which is why I’m changing my name to Kelcey Aaakintner.

You can also find me on Lifetime Moms writing about Kanye & Kim’s baby’s newly pierced ears and also check out my piece on Books Girls Love on Alpha Mom.


I first flew on a plane by myself with five kids from Ft. Lauderdale to New York. And then installed three carseats when I got there. All by 11:08 AM. Next time, I’m going to try to beat my time and do all that by 11:05 AM.

Once we were at my mother’s house, my 1-year-old discovered that dog toys are like baby toys. Only better for some reason.

My 1-year-old also acquired a taste for rawhide.

My mother told me she wants to discuss what happens to her ashes.

I told her we can put them wherever she wants but just not at my house because ashes sound messy and I’m still cleaning up coffee grinds she left behind awhile back.

7-year-old Summer spent the week on the counter because she’s terrified of my mother’s dogs.  She ate, played and practically slept there…

summer on counter 1


summer on counter 2

They are terrifying dogs…

mom's dogs

Well, they don’t look scary but their names are frightening.

Their names are Lilly and Snoopy.

See what I mean?

I found out that my tendency for leaving the fridge and freezer door open is obviously genetic.

freezer door

My mother could not recall her wifi network or her password. Apparently her computer guy knows but he was vacationing in Puerto Rico where I’m pretty sure he had wifi.

When my mother says, “You can leave the backdoor open for a bit. No bugs ever come in,” what she really means is… “I don’t notice when bugs come in.”

I had my birthday dinner at the exact same restaurant as I celebrated my 13th birthday (and many birthdays in between).

I learned that sometimes it’s just so good to be home.

mom with twins


kelcey kintner

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