So I had my last fitting for my Oscar’s dress this week. Oh wait – I’m sorry. That was Sandra Bullock.
I mean, I got my last 4 cavities filled this week! Yes, that’s what happened in my life. And it turns out when you have 10 cavities, you don’t get a punch card with the 10th filling for free. Which was obviously disappointing. If not a punch card, then at least a small party with some balloons and handful of confetti. Think about it dental industry.
When I wasn’t sitting in a dentist chair, I was trading in my mattress!
We recently purchased a new mattress and spent 60 days trying it out.
Kelcey: “It feels weird. Like a cushion roller coaster. Half my body is going up and the other half is going down. What do you think?”
Rick: “It feels great.”
Kelcey: “But don’t you feel like you are sinking? Maybe we bought the quick sand of mattresses”
Rick: “It feels great.”
Kelcey: “I think my back is hurting. And maybe my tailbone too.”
Rick: “It feels great.”
Kelcey: “We better return it.”
Rick: “Let’s return it.”
So we did. And the new one arrived.
And it sort of feels comfortable if you like sleeping on a brick wall. Which I’m not completely opposed to.
I’m hoping we still have another 60 days to try this one out but I’m too nervous to call the store and actually find out the exchange policy on the SECOND mattress.
Finally today, I want to share a video of baby Cash with you…
Let’s just say, I don’t think it’s too late to change his name. (No, we aren’t planning on it.)
So I’ve been spending a lot of time talking to my baby about staying a baby.
“Cash – you’re 9 months now. And I love your face. And your smile. And your chubby legs. And well, everything about you. And I would like you to stay a baby. Given everything I’ve done for you and I won’t go into details but I will mention that every time I played tennis when I was pregnant, I felt like there was a head digging into my lady parts and let’s just say it didn’t feel great and my tennis game certainly suffered. So given that and a whole bunch of other things too, I would just appreciate if you could stay all sweet and babyish and not do that growing up into a crazy toddler thing.”
And Cash looked at me with those sweet brown eyes and I swear he mumbled, “I’m off to chew on an electrical outlet.”
Damn it. It’s over.
I know because I was wearing him in the Baby Bjorn the other day and I glanced in the mirror and it looked like I had Mini-Me from Austin Powers strapped to my chest.
I’m not good at letting my babies go. No, not good at all.
And despite my pleas and strong negotiating skills, it looks like he’s just going to keep growing.
Just go ahead and do it Cash. Get big on me. Your babyhood will become a sweet, fuzzy memory.
I’d say you’ll become something amazing but you have to understand, you are already amazing.
Love you baby.
mama bird notes:
I’m working with TNT, checking out their new unscripted show (that’s fancy for reality TV), “The Private Lives of Nashville Wives.” The premier episode takes place during CMA Fest. And within a few moments of watching, I am already craving BBQ, a pool shaped like a guitar and a pink bedazzled Vespa.
The show revolves around 6 women (all pretty and done up Kardashian style) who I had a little trouble keeping straight. Of course one is a former Hooters’ girl. There were two Cuban twins (Betty & Ann) who fight a lot about a dead pig and made me renew my commitment to turkey bacon.
Since, I’m not really into reality cat fighting, I was a whole lot more interested in Sarah Davidson who is trying to make it as a singer in Nashville. She is married to Dallas Davidson (who not only has the best name ever but is also a hit songwriter). She’s quite sweet and I found myself rooting for her and wondering why her husband can’t just write her a kick ass song. More next week. Mondays on TNT 10 pm/ 9 C.
This is a sponsored recap of Nashville Wives. All ideas are my own.
I got this pitch the other day to join the National Day of Unplugging. I figured I could be strong, join the cause and unplug my toaster for 24 hours. Yes, it would be a sacrifice to go without hot, buttery toast but I am nothing if not a survivor.
But apparently, toasters aren’t the key focus. They want you to unplug and stay away from things like iPhones, iTouches and computers – you know the tech gadgets that sustain life and keeps us from spiraling into a deep pit of boredom and despair.
I remember trying this unplug thing once before in the 80s when I was only addicted to my walkman, Ms. Pac-man and the boob tube and it went reasonable well until I was aimlessly cracking walnuts and counting the threads of our green wall to all carpet and thought, “Maybe I better just watch a few minutes of ‘Too Close for Comfort.'”
Because I have failed at this before, I know I will need a wingman. I emailed Rick to see if he would be on board with this unplugging.
“Sure. I’ll do it. I don’t even like toast,” he replied.
Common misinterpretation obviously. I explained that we would have to go without phones and gadgets and TV.
“Wow. We’d live like the Amish?” he asked.
And at that point, we mysteriously lost our connection.
Thankfully the people behind this effort give you a list of things that you can do instead of tweeting and updating Facebook. Like take a nature walk or have a family yoga or dance party.
I’m already jazzed about the nature walk but I’m also all about loop holes so I immediately inquire how we are supposed to have a “dance party” without music from our iTouch or Ipod.
And those crafty unplug people replied, “Our thought was maybe creating your own music to dance to with some DIY musical instruments!”
Oh those guys are good.
So will you all do this with me? I feel like it’s a great way to practice the art of being more present. We can even count how many times we reach for our phones!
It’s from sundown on Friday, March 7 to sundown on Saturday, March 8th. That’s not so long, right? And afterward, we can all discuss our enormous self growth and then post our thoughts on Facebook.
Visit a mattress store. Lie down. Wonder if you have to take off your shoes. Wonder if lice is on the pillows. Wonder if they could turn down the lights because man are you tired.
Lie on every mattress in the store. Get more and more confused about which ones you like. Decide to only lie on the ones that are on sale.
Listen to the sales associates talk about the differences between pillowtop cushion firm, luxury firm pillowtop, tight top plush and tight top cushion firm.
Wonder how many squats you’d have to do to get an ass that is tight top cushion firm.
Leave store with zero clarity.
Come back and try out one kid on a bed.
Come back and try out three kids on a bed.
Come back and try out five kids on a bed.
Listen to the sales associate scold your children for jumping on beds.
Exit store with zero clarity and sapped of all energy.
A week later, return to store after downing a caffe latte, a green tea banana smoothie and a shot of Red Bull.
Pick a mattress. Insist that it has the perfect combination of firmness, comfort and bounce. Know in your heart that you did meeny, miny, moe.
Mattress arrives! Yahoo! Lie down. It feels good!
Wait, you hate it.
It’s too soft and too hard. It feels like a cushion roller coster. Your body is sagging. The mattress is swallowing you up like quicksand. You are going to die from pillowtop smothering. What is the return policy on these things?! Are they even returnable? Why did you not ask that before purchasing?!
You can exchange (with some fees!!)
But you can have 60 days to obsess over it before you return it.
Obsess over it for 60 days. Maybe it is comfortable and you don’t realize it. Your back hurts. Is it the mattress? Your tailbone hurts. Is it the mattress? Your finger hurts. Is it the mattress? Oh no, that’s a paper cut.
You decide to return it. Explain to sales associate on phone that you may have gotten a paper cut from the mattress. Ask her to waive fees. She does not.
Head back to store to try out all the mattresses.
Make promise that once this is over, you will never buy a mattress again. When your mattress gets old, you will simply ask a dear friend to arrange a covert operation in which your mattress is switched out without your knowledge and an identical one is put in its place.
When we moved to Florida, we had to get new license plates.
In New York, you need a license plate on the front and back of your car. In Florida, only the back. Which left us with two big holes on the front of the minivan.
Rick: “What should we do about the two big holes on the front of the minivan?”
Me: “I know! Let’s put a big Phillies’ plate on our car!!”
What I meant: I so do not want a Phillies’ plate on our car because it’s really my car and it’s humiliating enough to drive around town in a flashy gold minivan without some gigantic dedication to a sports team. I’m sure we both remember that ridiculous Phillies’ magnet that once graced our vehicle and let’s not repeat that kind of madness.
What Rick thought I meant: Go buy a Phillies’ plate! Quickly! Before they run out!!
So I walked out of my house one morning and saw this on my car…
Yup. Let me give you a closer look…
Wow. That sucker is shiny.
Well, I hope Rick enjoys what I put on the front of his car.
(It’s good to have a few One Direction calendars lying around the house.)
mama bird notes:
–The winners of the ARTtwo50 $100 gift certificates are Liza Petrone and Anna Whiston-Donaldson. Congrats ladies! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to collect your winnings!
–I just did a big review on baby bibs. Want to know the best and the worst ones out there? Click on Alpha Mom to read my post.
–Finally, I was recently part of a discussion on baby names on Huffington Post Live. Here’s the link.