If you have no idea what I’m talking about… my post is below.
We headed to Rick’s Camp Harlam reunion this weekend. This is kind of how it went…
“Rick, so good to see you…”
“Rick-eeeee, my god, it’s been forever…”
“Rick, how the hell are you buddy…”
Repeat those phrases, in any order, about 8,000 times.
There were some very bored spouses. Like this guy…
But not me. I wasn’t bored. I had work to do. Like track down Rick’s exes. First, I found Tracy Gross. She was cute and nice. Tracy didn’t seem like she wanted to rumble at all for my man, which was a bit disappointing. Apparently, she is married with a son and a whole happy life.
Rick + Tracy (True Love Forever) dated for a camp summer. Here they are now…
And back in the romantic day…
And I found another hubby ex…. Missy Frankel. This is Rick’s first love. I had heard so much about this girl that she seemed like a celebrity to me. So I immediately snapped a photo of her which she definitely thought was kind of weird. I can confirm this because she said, “that was kind of weird.” See what I mean? Not hard to interpret that.
She, too, was very sweet and had absolutely no interest in cat fighting for Rick. Come on ladies! I thought we were going to rock this reunion! This Color War is so on. Or so not.
I finally lost track of Rick in the sea of cute and maybe-once-cute Jewish boys and focused on the food. After 16 cookies…
I was nauseous and ready to go home. And a speedy hour and a half later, Rick was too.
Meanwhile, our girls had a blast with Rick’s parents. I saw many photos of Dylan once again wearing nothing but my body hugging, belly sucking underwear, pulled up to her armpits, and my high heels. Completely awesome because it wasn’t enough that my babysitter saw it. Now my in-laws have gotten a close-up glimpse of my secret undergarments too.
So I asked my VERY BEAUTIFUL AND GENEROUS mother-in-law to PLEASE not email out the pictures.
She won’t do it… right?
mama bird notes
Another giveaway coming later this week mamas.
Rick has been working the morning anchor shift lately which means he’s out the door at 4 am, leaving me to wake up with the girls. Frankly, I don’t see why he can’t anchor the morning news AND get up with the kids. He maintains it’s technically impossible but I think he may not be trying hard enough.
So every morning around 6:30 am, I can suddenly can feel someone staring at me. I open my eyes and in front of me are two blue eyes (which Dylan insists are green – don’t even bother trying to correct her), just a couple inches from my face. Her supposedly-green-but-actually-blue-eyes are intently focused on me. I can feel her breath on my face. I’m not big on breath in my face. Is anyone really?
“I have to go poop,” Dylan says.
“Ok, go ahead. You can do it yourself honey,” I offer. I’ve never actually sold her on this brilliant idea of mine but I remain forever optimistic.
“I want you to get me started,” Dylan counters.
So I drag myself out of bed, put the bathroom light on and hoist her up onto the Elmo toilet seat.
There. She’s started. I climb back into bed and just as I am about to drift into that sweet, heavenly, magical, beautiful….
“I’m ready to be wiped!”
I wrap up the wiping as Summer wakes up. A few minutes later, I sit the girls down for breakfast. Dylan wants cereal but there is a slight stipulation.
She wants one bowl for the milk.
Another bowl for the cereal.
And a third bowl for sliced bananas.
So I say, “Dylan. Don’t be crazy. You’ll have one bowl with cereal, bananas and milk. I’m not washing THREE bowls. No one needs three bowls to eat cereal!”
Oh wait. That’s not right.
Actually I say, “Ok.”
So. Much. Easier.
The cool thing about Rick heading off to working so early is that he’s home for that always glamorous dinner-bath-books-bed routine. So last night I slipped out and headed to SoHo for an Italian cooking lesson and incredible meal sponsored by Select Italy and organized by the awesome Traveling Mom.
I got to hang with two super adorable Italian chefs… Andrea and Francesco.
They were so funny and talented and just so darn Italian, that I couldn’t help but hug one of them.
That Francesco is just a peach. Would it kill him to put his arm around me?
But it wasn’t all about fun here. No. No. No. I worked my American arse off. Here I am preparing a Grana Padano cheese basket for my baby greens and roasted quail. And you thought I only did Amy’s Organic Mac and Cheese.
By the time I got home, the kids were fed, clean, polished and tucked into their beds like dreamy angels.
But there will be payback.
Rick’s taking me to his cult camp reunion this weekend in Philadelphia. I’m told 600 people will be there. Seriously. 600 people I don’t know. Wish me luck mamas.
mama bird notes:
Ever thought about plastic surgery? It’s crossed my mind. Read my piece, Don’t Judge the Mommy Makeover on New York City Moms Blog.
And don’t miss out on our way cool giveaway this week from Maidenform. You have the chance to win $300 worth of bras, underwear and shapewear that you pick out from the their website!
If the winner turns out to live in the New York City area, you’ll have the bonus opportunity to visit Maidenform’s Madison Avenue showroom for a personal fitting.
To enter, just leave a comment on the mama bird diaries this week. You also need to forward a post to a friend. See that little pink box that says, “send to a friend”? Click there. No spamming your friends. Ever.
I knew this day would finally come.
For more than a year, our apartment building has been surrounded by heavy machinery, ginormous cranes and ever escalating floors of concrete. I figured that eventually my 3 1/2 year-old daughter would notice the noise, debris and chaos and actually mention the two huge buildings going up outside our door.
And she finally did…
She pointed to a white pipe protruding from one of the concrete walls.
“Mom, look at that. That looks like that thing you use in the potty.”
“A tampon?” I responded. “You’re right honey. It does look like a tampon.”
Wow. It feels kind of weird to show a big picture of a tampon on my site. Oh please guy readers… don’t log off. Come on.. it’s just a tampon!
While we are on the subject of girlish things… I actually got a real life sighting of Ms. Contributing Mama Daphne Biener in New York City. The transplanted Colorado girl with an East Coat soul was in town to visit family. And she made time to see me! Now, Daphne initially comes across as a laid back, granola, I-don’t-need-makeup, low maintenance kind of girl. She told me to pick ANY restaurant. She was FLEXIBLE.
We sat down at Josie’s, a popular, healthy New American sort of place on the Upper West Side. Daphne is nibbling on cornbread and perusing the menu. She says, “Wow, usually when I look at a menu, a million things pop out at me. But I’m not really seeing anything.”
“Everything is really good,” I promise.
Daphne looks at the menu some more. Apparently, not a lot of “popping” going on.
“We can leave. We can find another place,” I offer, not really thinking she’ll actually make me get off my arse.
“Let’s go get sushi,” Daphne says. So we throw down a few bucks for the half eaten cornbread and walk out. And after checking out three restaurants in the neighborhood, we finally pick Citrus Bar & Grill which turns out to be pretty perfect.
Just a couple of super flexible, laid back, low maintenance girls out in the city.
One last tidbit. As you all know, I have two close friends who both just had their second child. In the spirit of a supportive mama community, I want to give them a tip for managing two.
When the baby cries at night and your toddler is trying to sleep in the same room, ear muffs come in very handy (no matter what time of year it is). Just ask Dylan who used this technique last night.
To take this photo, I risked waking TWO children. There’s nothing I won’t do for you all.
mama bird notes
We have an an awesome giveaway this week from Maidenform! You have the chance to win $300 worth of bras, underwear and shapewear from Maidenform (that you get to pick out from the website!).
If the winner turns out to live in the New York City area, you’ll have the bonus opportunity to visit Maidenform’s Madison Avenue showroom for a personal fitting. And their best fitter has touched the boobs of some very high profile celebs. I’m sure you can get the dirt when you go. If the winner doesn’t live in the NYC area, you’ll simply give them your sizes.
Man, who couldn’t use some properly fitting, sassy bras and underwear? To enter, just leave a comment on the mama bird diaries this week. You also need to forward a post to a friend. See that little pink box that says, “send to a friend”? Click there. Of course, I would never spam. Plus now (thanks to a very smart suggestion from mama bird reader Valerie), you can type a note when you forward posts.
Feel feel to write, “That ridiculously bossy Kelcey is making me forward this post so I can win fabulous underwear.”
Good luck mamas!
Seats are buckled and we are off to my mother’s house in Connecticut.
We drive four blocks. Dylan pees in her car seat
We briefly contemplate whether it’s cruel to let our child sit in her drenched car seat for an hour. Although clearly the more convenient option, it somehow just doesn’t feel like good parenting. Sort of like when I look at 16 month-old Summer’s eyebrows and think, wow, they could use a good tweeze but I know that’s not appropriate. Good parenting is just something you feel in your gut.
We loop around the block.
After a change of clothes, we finally make it to my mother’s house.
Within a few weeks, she’s moving to Northampton, Massachusetts to pursue a master’s in social work. I hope it’s kind of a crunchy place because my mom is wearing these today.
So we are here for a party to celebrate her new adventure. The invitation read, “Susan (that’s my mom) and Lilly (that’s my mom’s dog) Cordially Invite You To Come Celebrate The Changing Of Our Lives, Mine, Yours, Your Families and all Sentient Beings.”
I’m still not sure of the definition of a “sentient being.” My mom often skates along on this sort of esoteric, Buddhist plain that I don’t always quite grasp.
This is my mom’s house.
We moved here when I was 14. A popular kid named Tim lived here before. And his best friend Teddy was mad as all crazy hell that his best friend moved away and I moved in.
Teddy viciously taunted me on the school bus.
He told me Tim’s dead cat was buried in the front yard.
Fortunately, Teddy is not invited to the party.
The salty smell of the Long Island Sound immediately brings back my youth. Water skiing. Roller blading. Soulful, heart destroying crushes. Real boyfriends. Sailing lessons. Cruising through town. The pursuit of the perfect fake ID. Throwing a party and having someone steal the phone off the wall. Swearing that I did not throw a party despite the missing phone and other very compelling evidence. Best friends. Breaking up with boyfriends. Leaving home. Coming home.
But there is no more coming home. My home is somewhere else now. This is me today. Kind of mopey.
But today is not about me. It’s about my 65 year-old mother who despite her fear, is moving joyfully on to the next chapter of her life.
Dylan has been on spring break all week. With her three rigorous mornings a week of preschool, she was really ready to blow off some steam.
So she’s been getting totally wasted on Milwaukee’s Best Light and raging hard with her gal pals down in Ft. Lauderdale.
Well… actually, she’s mostly been hanging out with me and Summer. I guess the flights to Florida were booked. Or she just thinks her mum is super cool. Or maybe it’s because she’s 3.
But she’s still living it up toddler style.
She felt the sand between her toes at a Tribeca playground and flirted with 8 year-old Michael.
She REALLY wanted to help Michael build his sand castle but the guy was a bit of a loner. Or maybe he’s just coming off another relationship and the timing isn’t right.
Anyway, Dylan got over Michael real fast, and moved on to a somewhat older crush, Jimmy the plumber.
I was practically in love with Jimmy too, with the way he arrived on time and fixed my bath drain. Dylan thought Jimmy was way cool but just so damn focused on his work. Don’t you hate when guys are like that?
Dylan even started a diary this week. She can’t keep all these exciting vacation adventures bottled up inside.
She narrated out loud as she pretended to write, “Summer had major poop. So big we can’t believe it. It was so big we had to go to the doctor and then I got a cold.”
Well, the poop part is accurate. I must say Dylan was fibbing a bit with the doctor and the cold part. But let’s cut the chick some slack because who hasn’t exaggerated a little when telling spring break tales.
Then we had the opportunity, to watch a young boy pee this morning on a flower bed of fresh tulips, as we walked to the coffee shop. I guess sometimes you really gotta go… on someone’s beautiful flowers.
But the very best, most awesome part of this week was meeting this gal… Lila Drew Bales.
Yup. Even better than accosting Michael Kors. Congratulations to contributing mama Jordana Bales, her hubby Michael and big sis, Ava. But mostly to Jordana who had a VBAC with the little miss who weighed in at 9 lbs, 12 ounces. That is some strong work, girlfriend.
And I saw pictures people. Very graphic pictures. Vagina. Blood. Baby. Placenta. Seriously.
I love the name Lila Drew so much I’m thinking of changing my own name to Lila Drew. Is that creepy? She was so scrumptious and sweet and fuzzy that maybe I’ll just…
Or crap… BIG sign about facing serious penalties if you leave the floor with a newborn. Can you believe that I’m bossy enough to make poor Jordana, after giving birth to a 9 lb plus baby, take snapshots of me pretending to steal her baby?!
Fine. I’ll give Lila back. Jordana deserves her. She did carry her for 42 crazy long weeks.
And congrats as well to the Bowyer/Cruise family on their new little boy, Samuel Alden Lester Cruise. If Lila, an upper east side girl, has a thing for downtown boys then maybe a little something can be worked out here. Not too early for those baby lovebirds to start planning spring break ’28. The Milwaukee is on me.
mama bird notes
As a parent, I sometimes feel like I’m on fast forward… especially during the bedtime routine. Contributing mama Daphne Biener got a lesson in slowing down by the great Mary Poppins. Or at least someone fitting that exact description. Click on drooling over this to read more.
We have an awesome giveaway coming next week from Maidenform. Details to come…