Don’t you miss those days when you had an endless amount of time to leisurely linger over each and every page of the New York Times? Er, uh, I mean the New York Post. The other day, I was skimming the Post because I don’t want to miss one sensationalized, over-dramatized, gossipy beat in this city and I saw this…
A brother and sister, touring a South African safari park, crossed paths with this six-ton elephant. I showed the photo to my daughter Dylan.
“Honey, look at this huge elephant. He’s resting his… um… He put his…” I point to the picture. “What’s that called?” I ask.
“Trunk,” My 3 1/2 year-old responds.
“Oh, yeah. Now why couldn’t I think of that? He’s resting his trunk on their car. Isn’t that funny?!”
I am hoping that my inability to think of the word “trunk” is a symptom of my 6:30 am wakeup calls, rather than the slow deterioration of my brain. But there is something just a tad unsettling about your toddler reminding you of the name of something you’ve known since your toddler days.
By the way, that duo, with the elephant, is totally fine. The ginormous animal just kind of hung out there for about 6 tense minutes and then wondered off into the brush.
But seriously, couldn’t they just drive away? How fast could an elephant possibly run? He weighs 6 tons for gosh sakes. But what do I know? I couldn’t even come up with the word “trunk” so I’m obviously no elephant savant.
I don’t know how to segue from elephants to really anything else in my life, so – head’s up – we’re done with elephants. I mean, for now. They could totally make a come back. I like to keep things spicy and unpredictable around here.
So yesterday, that THING happened.
You know, when a complete stranger or maybe someone you know walks right on up to you and says those lovely, touching words, “When are you expecting?”
Umm… expecting what exactly? A baby? Oh you see, really super funny story, I’M NOT PREGNANT. But heck, LOOKING pregnant is just as fun. Maybe I’ll kill the afternoon registering for some layette.
So let’s just all agree that unless you see a delivery table, no need to ask a woman when she’s due. If you actually see the delivery table and a woman is laying on it and she looks reasonably uncomfortable and there are a lot of people in white coats and scrubs, then go ahead and ask. If not, skip it.
Jeesh… Way to make a girl feel like an elephant. Oh, there you go. I told you those animals would pop up again.
mama bird notes
We have a guest contributing mama today! Diane LeBleu’s husband has a knack for getting in fender benders and this mama is getting fed up. Click here to read more.
Last chance to enter the mama’s survival kit giveaway! It includes decadent, organic homemade chocolates from nunu chocolates, organic coffee from Grounds for Change, and some eco friendly, fabulous wine from Parducci. To enter to win, just leave a comment this week on the mama bird diaries.
A couple days ago, I was at a playground in Tribeca. Not the dicey, shady park I told you about (I can’t treat my kids to that EVERY day… com’on they would be so spoiled) but a good ol’ family park with glowing, pregnant woman, clean sand and tons of awesome playground equipment.
I was really getting a kick out of this one kid who was dressed in a full pirate’s get-up. A very strong costume for the month of May. This boy seriously did not miss a pirate accessory.
In full disclosure, my daughter Dylan was wearing a bathing cap that very same day. Not for a few minutes. Not for an hour. The entire day.
I can only guess that she is gearing up for the Beijing summer Olympics… in which case I am enormously relieved to see that she is getting plenty of fluids. And I’m sure you can easily imagine how many times I asked her ever so casually, like I really didn’t care at all, “Honey, shall we take off that swim cap now?”
But maybe she didn’t make the qualifying rounds because today, the swim cap was gone. Instead, Peter Pan’s gal pal, Tinkerbell, accompanied me to the grocery store.
But Dylan likes to keep her tulle edgy, so she added pants and camouflage rain boots. It’s sort of a mix of princess and street cool, which I dig.
Anyway, never mind about the pirates and the tinkerbells because I’m pretty, absolutely sure I saw Julia Roberts in the baby aisle at Whole Foods. I noticed a woman picking up Seventh Generation diapers and that’s when I thought, “Holy crap, I need diapers.” And then I immediately forgot all about Summer’s diapers and thought, “Holy mystic pizza, that’s Julia Roberts.”
Now I know I’ve been a bit of a celebrity slut lately with the whole Michael Kors snapshot, but Julia Roberts just seemed so incredibly beautiful and lovely, that I was kind of entranced. I just watched her gracefully maneuvering her cart, rolling it off towards the gourmet cheese section.
I told my husband about the 94% sure sighting and he said, “That Whole Foods is like the grocery store to the stars.”
“Really?! Who else have you seen there?” I asked.
“Oh yes, I’ve seen her in the produce section. And?” I inquired. I couldn’t wait to hear more.
“Umm… I guess that’s it.”
Samantha Bee from Jon Stewarts “Daily Show” is a smart, funny performer but I’m not sure she transforms our Whole Foods into the GROCERY STORE OF THE STARS.
But heck, I don’t care. I’ll start calling it that.
mama bird notes
Check out my latest piece, “Mommy, You’re Hurting Me” at NYC Moms Blog.
Don’t forget to enter the mama’s survival kit giveaway! It includes decadent, organic homemade chocolates from nunu chocolates, organic coffee from Grounds for Change, and some eco friendly, fabulous wine from Parducci. To enter to win, just leave a comment this week on the mama bird diaries.
One final note, if you believe in the power of prayer or even if you don’t, I would love you to say a prayer for my friend Kristin K. and her family. They really need a miracle and all of you out there are a pretty powerful, amazing group so please hold them in your hearts and keep them in your prayers. Thanks mamas and papas and everyone.
This was the first greeting I got from my husband and children on Mother’s Day.
Via text message at 8:24 am (because who needs Hallmark when you have texting).
“Happy Mother’s Day! We’re locked out so call us if you get this. We love you.”
Then my cell phone rang. Three times.
Then the knocking began.
Ok, ok…I’m up. I got it. Mother’s Day is on. Full on. Right now.
I’m glad I let those persistent buggers in because Rick and the girls lavished me with gifts and roses and caffeine. Then we went to our favorite diner and walked home in the brisk sunshine. In a universe of millions, these are my two favorite little hands to hold.
But there is something that always makes me a little uncomfortable about Mother’s Day.
It’s the day I feel like my relationship with my own mother is just not good enough. Shouldn’t we be like girlfriends, always shopping and laughing and lunching and pedicuring? Shouldn’t we be talking on the phone everyday, discussing whether McDreamy should be with Rose or Meredith. Like two peas in a maternal pod?
But we aren’t. She has never heard of Meredith or Rose. And long chats on the phone? Not exactly my thing.
So where do we connect? Especially on this holiday that expects so much from us.
Perhaps somewhere along the Hudson River.
Rick took the kids to New Jersey to see his family and my mother and I roller bladed along the water.
We skated and talked. And maybe it wasn’t a greetings card. Maybe we didn’t bond like they do in those effervescent Mother’s Day commercials. But it felt real.
I know sometimes we both wish it was different. That maybe if we could dart back in time, fix things somehow… erase divorce and limitations and our own strikingly different chemistry… then we could somehow be more alike. More intertwined.
Or maybe one must slowly let go of the past. Try to release those mother-daughter expectations. And realize, it’s ok to be different. It’s ok to just be ourselves.
Today I expressed, to my mother, my true joy that she is off on her next adventure, to pursue a degree in social work.
She shared how proud she feels to watch the woman and the mother I’ve become.
And she was an enormous part of that…. this me that now exists. And for that mom, I am truly grateful.
And maybe in the end, that was the gift of this day.
mama bird notes
Time for the mama’s survival kit giveaway! It includes decadent, organic homemade chocolates from nunu chocolates, organic coffee from Grounds for Change, and some eco friendly, fabulous wine from Parducci. No, I’m sorry Erin, sadly it doesn’t come with a nanny. Darn, I should have thought of that.
To enter to win, just leave a comment this week on the mama bird diaries.
I keep shoving that Dora chick in the kids’ closet and my daughter Dylan keeps pulling her out. Frankly, it’s scaring me a bit every time I unexpectedly run into her. Am I just a wimp or does this Dora doll look a little crazy and unstable?
And this girl doctor doll isn’t much better.
What is with the hair on these ladies? I understand this one is busy with all her hospital rounds and patients but a gal shouldn’t let herself go like this. I mean, a little maintenance on the doctor pigtails for gosh sakes.
Speaking of a tad scary, yesterday we shunned the posh playgrounds and headed to one that’s a bit rougher around the edges. There are always bored teenagers hanging around with their thongs hanging out of their rhinestone studded, low cut jeans. Loitering is a very popular hobby at this park.
Guys playing basketball nearby introduced my girls to fun, spirited phrases like, “F**k, you suck b**ch.” As we all know, you are never too young to learn useful sports terminology. Basically, it’s the kind of place you’d like to have your ass-kicking-wing-woman-Dora around once the sun goes down.
But the upside of all this urban exposure is very few children come here (what red flag? I don’t see a red flag.) so Dylan never has to wait for a swing…
And that’s pretty awesome. Plus, I rarely ever find drug paraphernalia on the ground.
Speaking more on the topic of awesome and less on drug paraphernalia, I hope all you rockin’ moms have an awesome mamas day.
mama bird notes
Don’t miss out on this mother’s day giveaway! Leave a comment on the mama bird diaries and you are entered to win this Lavender and Eucalyptus Bath Spa Kit from Organic Style. $80 value. I wish I could give one to every mum out there. This organic set combines the aromatherapy benefits of relaxing and soothing lavender with rejuvenating and refreshing eucalyptus.
Next week, I’ll be giving away a mother’s survival kit which includes organic coffee from Grounds for Change, decadent organic, homemade chocolates from nunu chocolates and some eco friendly, fabulous wine from Parducci. Details to come.
So there seems to be a lot of interest in this…
So I’m just going to come right out and tell you…
It’s completely natural.
What?! You don’t believe me? Jeesh.
One West Coast mama wants to know if this streaky hair thing is all the rage in New York City. I don’t think so. I just kind of like it this way.
If I’m going to spend the money to have it professionally highlighted, I don’t want it to look all I-was-born-with-this-hair. Now what would be the point of that?
Anyway, me and my cool or maybe not-so-cool hair were supposed to be on a local New York news station tomorrow to talk about my fave eco gifts for mother’s day. I don’t get paid by these companies. I just think they’re green and awesome. I was going to talk about cool stuff from Organic Style, nunu chocolates, eco-artware, Grounds for Change, Parducci, Joy by Mel Lim, Toby + Rei and Gardenia Organic.
But then me and my artificial hair and all my eco wit got dumped.
I was sad. But I get it. That’s showbiz. Segments get changed. When I was a booker/associate producer way back in my youthful twenties, I had to frequently cancel guests. Maybe it’s TV karma coming around to me.
I used to make ridiculous requests. I once had to ask a sickly guest if he could wear his oxygen tank only during the commercials because it would.. uh… look better on television if he didn’t have tubes coming out of his nose. Seriously. The poor guy was just trying to breathe. And I asked another frequent guest if she could please not wear the same orange down vest for the third time in a row. Did she perhaps own something… well… ANYTHING else?
Yes. Obviously karma.
was interviewed about raising kids in New York City. We talked about breastfeeding on the subway, letting your kids pee between cars and whether you should put your child in a taxi without a car seat. You can hear it all in the New York area this Saturday at 7:30 AM on 90.7 FM or via the web. Maybe if I can get my bad ass tech self together, I’ll put the webcast on the mama bird diaries.
As for me… now I kind of want my own radio show.
Of course, then no one could see my freaky, streaky hair.
mama bird notes
Thanks to New York City Moms Blog, my piece on plastic sugery, “Don’t Judge the Mommy Makeover” got picked up by newspapers all over the country including… the Miami Herald, the Modesto Bee and the News & Observer!
Contributing mama Daphne Biener is back in Colorado and has another humorous tale about life with her girls. Warning… you will crave brownies after reading this.
Have some ideas of great vacation spots in the United States? A mama could use your help. Click on askamama and share your brilliance.
Speaking of vacations, what’s your idea of the perfect holiday? Click on the poll and give us your opinion. And here are the results from our most recent poll…
You just won a free week long trip to London! Your hubby is staying home with the kids. So which gal pal are you taking along for your vacation? The Brit comes out big and these days Hillary is even getting beaten by Marsha Brady and Lauren Conrad. Oh Hillary, I’d holiday with you! Here are the results… Victoria Beckham (35%), Marsha Brady (18%), Lauren Conrad of “The Hills” (15%), Chelsea Clinton (12%), Hillary Clinton (11%) and Diane Sawyer (9%).
FINALLY…our mother’s day giveaway! Leave a comment on the mama bird diaries this week and you are entered to win this Lavender and Eucalyptus Bath Spa Kit from Organic Style. $80 value. I wish I could give one to every mum out there. This organic set combines the aromatherapy benefits of relaxing and soothing lavender with rejuvenating and refreshing eucalyptus. Doesn’t that sound just lovely?