My daughter Dylan went on a field trip today.
I asked the teacher where it was – just in case Dylan got super excited, ran into the place, tripped and fell, hurt her knee and needed immediate medical attention. Then I could jump in my car, peel out of the driveway, then immediately pull over, put the address into Google Maps because I still don’t know where anything in Florida actually is, then peel back out onto the road, go pick her up, attempt to rush to the ER, pull over, search for a local ER on my phone, put it into Google Maps, then head back out and get her the needed medical help.
I mean, it could happen. She is the one who once fell in a shark tank on a Girl Scouts excursion.
And the one who believed there was a gorilla on the loose during a camp trip to the Bronx zoo. I think she was 6 at the time but whatever Miss Gullible.
Turns out Dylan didn’t fall at all.
Not even into a goldfish tank.
She saw a play at an arts center. Sounds cultural and cool but I have no idea because that’s all I could really get out of her. I should have asked her about the trip when I was putting her to bed. At that time of night, she’ll talk nonstop about anything to avoid going to sleep. Maybe I should try tucking her in at 2:30 in the afternoon when I have more energy to chat.
Well, whatever happened on that field trip, I’m guessing it wasn’t quite as good at this one…
Wow. Talk about the best day ever. But man, way to raise the bar on field trips. Can you imagine the next time these kids are headed to the local history museum? Their tour guide is going to be like, “Why do these kids keep asking about some awesome toy store?” Poor guy.
This post is sponsored by Toys ‘R’ Us. All opinions are my own.
Okay, 79 degrees is sort of a kick ass trick or treating temperature.
Well, except for Summer who had on a long sleeve gymnastics Gabby Douglas outfit going on.
Dylan dressed as a “I wanted to be Mac from “Teen Beach Movie” but it’s sold out so I’ll be a witch.”
Chase was a “I want to be fireman, no make that a lion. I mean, Buzz Lightyear. Wait, definitely Spiderman.” Recap: The Spiderman costume arrived just in time. He dressed up as a cowboy.
Harlowe was a “I definitely want to be Strawberry Shortcake. I can’t wait to be Strawberry Shortcake. I am so excited to be Strawberry Shortcake. I love my Strawberry Shortcake costume.” Recap: She was a ballerina.
Cash was Superman because he’s a baby and I can dress him however I want.
Rick dressed as a newscaster and went to work.
I thought the whole evening was going to be a bust when we walked out outside and this guy immediately made both twins start crying…
I don’t know what they were so upset about. He looks super nice. We finally lost him and trick or treated for about a thousand million hours. Since it’s so warm and balmy out, the kids never say, “I’m freezing. I want to go home.”
They really need drink stations on Florida trick or treating routes. Just a quick stop to get some water, a few orange slices and maybe a chilled Pinot Grigio.
We finally headed home with buckets and buckets of candy. My only disappointment of the night was not seeing one trick or treater in a Boston Red Sox uniform with a long mangy beard.
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This weekend, we went to Hollywood, FL. Dylan immediately said, “That’s where all the celebrities are!” I had to explain that this was a different Hollywood than the one in California and there would be less celebrities and more chain smoking, erratic drivers.
Rick was conveniently at a double header softball game while I got myself and 5 kids organized for the beach. At one point, I had to run upstairs and I said to my kids…
“Cash is in the exersaucer. Please let me know if he starts crying.”
And my kids must have heard, “Cash is in the exersaucer. Please take him out. Put him in a doll baby carriage and give him a doctor check up and pretend to cut his hair.”
Because 6 minutes later, I found him like this…
I packed up the car and just so you know, I remembered the bathing suits, the towels, the sunscreen, the sunglasses, the goggles, the snacks, the water, the change of clothes, the beach toys, the sun umbrella and the diaper bag.
I however did not remember to check Harlowe’s shoes.
Those are two right feet.
Conveniently, she had brought a second pair of shoes in her purse. I don’t know why a 3-year-old packs a second pair of shoes but problem solved and we went to the beach.
It was insanely gorgeous and don’t be jealous because you probably have lots of friends wherever you live and Rick and I have to mostly talk to each other.
At the end of the afternoon, we went back to our cars (Rick and I had separate cars because of that very important softball extravaganza). And Rick’s car was gone.
Like not, “I can’t remember where I parked” gone but “seriously not here” gone. We couldn’t believe it. Who steals a car? On such a sunny, beautiful day? We knew we had parked it on level 2 but it was simply not there. Do we call the police? How is Rick going to get to work the next day? How does anyone hot wire a car anyway? Is there an app for that?
“You parked right here on level two,” I said to Rick who looked more and more nauseous.
“Yup. This is definitely where I parked,” he confirmed.
“Rick, hold on a minute,” I said in my calm, reassuring voice. I ran up to level three.
The car was there.
So I’m thinking someone must have moved the car from level 2 to level 3 when we were at the beach.
At some point, every baby has a serious poop explosion in public.
The difference between a first baby and let’s say a fifth is the diaper bag.
First baby: You have it.
2nd – 4th baby: You might have it. If you do, it may be out of wipes. You might have forgotten to pack an extra set of clothes. But there is probably something to work with in there even if you have to fashion a fresh diaper from the lining of the diaper bag.
5th baby: The diaper bag is either at home or in the car – very very far from previously mentioned poop explosion.
This week, Rick and I decided to take his iPhone to the Apple store in Ft. Lauderdale. Apparently he got some balsamic vinaigrette in the receiver and now he can’t hear anything which is a sort of a disadvantage when using a phone.
We showed up to the Apple store and they said they could conveniently help us in 5 hours.
But right near by was a Sephora so I thought this was the perfect opportunity to replace an eyeliner I lost on our recent trip to the Northeast. I lost this expensive Lancome eyeliner but somehow came home with my friend’s dish towel. Hardly a fair exchange.
As I was purchasing my new eyeliner, Rick said, “WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY. PLEASE COME HERE IMMEDIATELY.”
I knew it was urgent from his tone so I only took a few extra minutes to mull over how to use my Sephora beauty points.
I left the store and saw Rick with a very distressed look…
Yes, that is poop oozing out of our son’s diaper and the Bjorn and dripping rapidly onto the floor. Of course, we had no diaper bag because who wants to carry that thing around.
I immediately ran back into Sephora – grabbed tissues and wipes from their makeup counter and cleaned up the mess the best I could. What would Apple have done for us? Meshed together a wipe with a refurbished iPhone 4 charger? I doubt it.
Then we hightailed it to the parking lot to find our car with the diaper bag resting comfortably inside. We changed Cash on the floor of the minivan for the 188th time in his short life.
What is my point to this story? If you are too lazy to carry a diaper bag, try to stay close to a Sephora. And don’t trade an eyeliner for a dish towel.
The twins really like to make sure all is fair in the world. They constantly switch car seats because they want to make sure they each get a turn in both. I keep telling them it’s a car seat, not the Queen’s throne but it makes no difference.
We have one Elmo chair and they take turns brushing their teeth in it.
(Don’t send me another Elmo chair – one is plenty.)
I recently came across this old photo of the twins. They are just babies, all bundled up in their fleece onesies and strapped into their double stroller.
I showed 3 year old Harlowe the photo. I don’t know where Chase was at the time. Probably off composing a symphony or working on his memoirs or something.
“Look at you guys! You’re so cute. Your mama was so tired at that time. I don’t know why I’m talking in the 3rd person. It’s a thing we moms do. But you are both so adorable!!”
Harlowe looked at the photo and said, “Mommy, the next time I’m a baby, can I be in the back and Chase can be in the front?”
“Sure honey. No problem.”