A few months ago, we put our house on the market and my mother-in-law gave us a small statue of St. Joseph to bury under the For Sale sign. She got it from her neighbor who insisted it would help us sell our house.
I was very enthusiastic about the potential power of the saintly figurine. I had been praying to St. Anthony for years whenever I lost things. And with the exception of a camera that was stolen in Florida, he had really delivered. (I guess Saint Anthony doesn’t shake down thieves in Delray Beach.)
Now it was time to try out this St. Joseph. I buried the statue and within a few days, we had an accepted offer. Completely true.
After the contracts were signed, I went to dig it up so I could return it to my mother-in-law’s friend. Apparently she had someone else who needed to sell a home. Wow. This guy is like the Barbara Corcoran of Saints.
I went to dig up St. Joseph and he was gone. I dug and dug and nothing.
Where could he be? I buried it RIGHT HERE. Now I understand whey they still can’t find Jimmy Hoffa.
I finally prayed to St. Anthony to help me find St. Joseph and kept digging. And I was about to get some other saints involved when I finally found him…
So if you want to sell your house, you should borrow this statue, or just buy one or you know, put in a master suite bathroom. I hear any of those things work.
mama bird notes:
Have you liked me on St. Facebook? You must. Just click here.
And I’ve got some advice for royal mom Kate. Check it out here on Lifetime Moms.
Kate Middleton did something monumental this week. I mean, other than give birth to the future King of England. She showed off her post baby belly.
She is even wearing an empire waist which actually accentuates the stomach! This duchess has some serious cojones because after I have a baby (I’m the non-duchess in case you are confusing us), I will use anything (the baby, throw pillows, small animals walking by) as a tummy shield when the camera comes out.
It’s no secret that after you have a baby, you still look pregnant. And most of us just aren’t so comfortable showing it off. It is impressive that Kate went for it.
As Charlotte Cowles writes on The Cut, “So was Kate brave to show her belly yesterday? Perhaps. There’s no doubt it was intentional. Everything she wears is always carefully considered, and the dress was custom-made for her. But Kate’s public identity is that of wife and mother. While her identity is certainly tied to her physical appearance, she has nothing to gain by hiding her maternal features. If only more women felt this way.”
But here’s the thing. Everyone on planet earth (I think even my mother) knows that Kate Middleton had a baby. Nobody is going to mistakenly walk up to her post-baby and say, “Congratulations! When are you due?” Not the case for us commoners. Hence the necessity of my t-shirt line.
Look, I don’t love the celebrity culture where one day you are pregnant and very soon after you have a svelte, flat tummy. Is it a personal trainer? Tummy tuck? Photoshop magic? I don’t know. But most of us don’t look like that post baby. Even way post baby.
So it was nice to see the Duchess of Cambridge show what it’s really like to be a new mama. I hope she felt the gratitude worldwide.
I am floored that people still send gifts when you are on your 5th kid. At the most, I would expect an email or maybe a coffee. And not even a latte. Like a regular coffee. From a gas station.
But for some unexplainable reason, we have received a lot of adorable gifts like this from my sister and brother-in-law…
The onesie. Not the baby.
But I guess the onesie has gotten a bit small because this weekend Rick said, “Why are you subjecting our son to a constant wedgy?
Nonsense, I thought. It still fits!
Okay, Cash deserves better. That ain’t right.
On Friday, 2-month-old Cash and I took a very quick trip to Florida. We flew down on a 6 am flight and flew back on a 7:30 pm flight. Of course I parked in the wrong lot and barely made our plane. Then Cash pooped and it seeped through his onesie and onto my clothes as we were taking off.
But no matter, because I was traveling with one little baby! That’s it. And people are so nice when you are traveling with an adorable infant. Not as much when you have an entourage of raucous children.
My favorite part of the flight (other than the obvious poop situation) was after we landed in Ft. Lauderdale, the flight attendant announced that it was the pilot’s first landing on his own. Everyone applauded. Not so much for him. But more because it’s fun to be alive.
I went to Florida to see my new house – the one my husband bought when I was too pregnant to travel. When I got there, the window treatments guy was waiting for me. So the window treatments guy and I got to experience my new home together. It was a nice bonding moment. He carried Cash in his infant seat and I opened the door.
And I liked it! What do you think? (Insert photo here that I forgot to take.)
There was no Chia Pet carpeting and no western mosaics as I had feared.
Within a few minutes, the doorbell rang and I looked at the window treatments guy like, “Aren’t you going to get that?” before I remembered it was my house.
It was my new neighbor who introduced herself and proceeded to tell me that my water heater was broken and water was gushing down the street. We had owned the house 6 days.
I also found out that many Florida homes have no basements and no attics which means I am taking your advice and getting rid of lots of stuff. The Build-A-Bears have received their eviction notice.
After dealing with water heaters, the cable man and alarm people, Cash and I headed back to the airport. I sat next to this mom on the plane and talked to her for 3 hours. We chatted about Miami and politics and her father’s cancer and everything in between.
She texted me her number and wrote… “This is your first friend in Florida.”
I am going to need one.
There’s a question that’s been sort of bothering me lately.
HOW DO YOU MOVE AN ENTIRE HOUSE 1,309 MILES WITH 4 KIDS PLUS A NEWBORN?
I mean, I know you just put the kids in cardboard boxes because a family recently sent me a cute little “We’ve Moved!” notice and all the children were happily sticking their heads out of boxes. So that part seems easy enough.
But I have not been able to wrap my head around the rest of it. I started to completely obsess over the food aspect of moving. Should I try to empty my freezer now? But then what do I feed my children? Do I pack my dry goods? Do I pack spices form 1993?
Do I pack my extensive tea collection despite the fact that I haven’t had a hankering for tea since – well, ever. But what if with the new royal baby, I suddenly want to drink more tea. I mean, people are waiting to name their babies after the royal babe, the least I could do is partake is a cup of Earl Grey once the kid is born.
And then there are the Build A Bears. Do you have these things? We have a small village of them. The girls don’t play with them but if I chuck them all I am absolutely certain, we will arrive in Florida and they will immediately inquire about their whereabouts. And I’ll have to tell a story about the bears getting so liquored up at the Laguardia airport bar that Jet Blue wouldn’t let them get on the plane. And who wants to expose a 6 and 8-year-old to that kind of tawdry tale?!
So clearly the bears are coming.
And then what about these sculptures. The girls absolutely loved sculpture camp and brought home these…
The one on the left is Dylan’s self portrait piece and the one on the right is Summer’s abstract piece and not a penguin as I originally thought. Are these pieces (big in creativity and size) supposed to make the trip?
One mother mentioned that she was tempted to just throw her child’s sculpture out the window on the last day of sculpture camp. That is some forward thinking right there.
Oh and Dylan did one more sculpture…
Yup. That’s a bomb. I don’t know what else to say about that. Definitely not coming.
Unless Dylan reads this post and then I’ll probably have to go shopping for a sculpture bomb display case for our new home.
mama bird notes:
So where else am I this week? Over at Alpha Mom, I’m talking about the top ten tips for staying sane when you are a new mom.
At at Lifetime Moms, I’m writing about my former cleaning man. Yes, I used to have a cleaning man.