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Jan
31
2017

We always get those coupon books in the mail and I’m forever looking for a car wash coupon. My favorite thing about going to the car wash (other than my car no longer smelling like spoiled deli/armpit is when they say, “And if it rains tomorrow, bring it back and we will rewash it for free!”

And I’m like, “What if it rains cheddar goldfish in the third row of my minivan, then will you rewash it for free?!” The answer is no so don’t even bother asking.

So we just got a new coupon booklet and my 3 year old son pulled out a coupon and kept saying, “I want this. I want this. I want this.”

“I want the car washed too buddy! Let me see that.”

And this is what he showed me…

cellulite

What did he want exactly? Reduced cellulite? A thong? I couldn’t figure it out. But he was so insistent on wanting it.

Turns out, he was telling me he wants to wear underwear.

We finally got 3 1/2 year old Cash potty trained. For months I tried not to worry about his complete disinterest in potty training but I have a lot of landfill guilt and his environmental impact was becoming too much to bear. That and a 3 1/2 year old does not produce the most petite bowel movements.

We finally potty trained him by just having him wear shorts (it’s Florida) with no underwear. I think getting a little extra air down there helped him remember that pull ups (during the day) were a thing of the past and he needed to get to a toilet.

The only problem is that sometimes he is stuck in the car. The other day I ran into a sporting goods store and left Cash in the car with his older sisters. They are 10 and 12 so please don’t call the authorities. You see Cash is sort of a maniac in every store and sometimes the thought of dragging him in there for 10 minutes so I can buy soccer socks makes my head explode a little bit.

So I said to my girls, “Lock the doors, I’ll be right back.”

And I was right back.

But it’s amazing what can happen in 10 minutes.

“Everything good?” I said.

“Yes but Cash had to go to the bathroom,” my 12 year old explained.

“Why didn’t you text me?”

“Well, we did something different than that.”

“What?” I asked.

“Well, I had this empty ice tea bottle so I unbuckled Cash and had him pee in the bottle.”

And he really did.

ice.tea.bottle

I looked at the bottle. And my first thought was  – I’m so glad he didn’t pee in his pants and carseat.

“Okay. That was a clever, bold way to go. Maybe next time text me. We actually have a portable potty in the back of the car.” I explained.

She agreed.

And then I thought – wow, Cash is a lot more talented than I imagined.

This kid definitely deserves some underwear.


Jan
24
2017

Spoiler alert: I will discuss the ending of the movie La La Land so please stop reading if you haven’t seen the movie or don’t want to know the ending. 

A few weeks ago, my husband said to me, “I want to see La La Land.” I was not surprised at all. Mainly because Rick tells me constantly about movies he want to see and knowing we have five kids and we’ll never get there, I say, “Absolutely, let’s see it! Any time!”

LaLaLand

They also couldn’t design a more perfect movie for Rick. Because first of all, it’s a musical.

Rick is a guy who once triumphed as Danny Zuko is his high school production of Grease and thinks of himself not so much as a successful TV newscaster but more of a TV newscaster/ famous broadway star. Despite the fact that he currently does not perform on Broadway.

La La Land is also a nod to the golden age of Hollywood movies and Rick loves old movies. Or as his children describes them, “the black and white, boring ones that daddy makes us watch sometimes.” But he has beautiful memories of watching It’s a Wonderful Life, Casablanca and Singin’ in the Rain with his grandparents. These movies are intertwined with happy memories of childhood.

I, however, don’t always love musicals – although some are great. And I think old movies can tend to be a little slow in the plot department. But I’ll tell you something I am consistently passionate about… Ryan Gosling.

So I was in on this whole La La Land thing even though it meant paying a sitter so we could go out and basically “watch TV” on a bigger screen. But you were allowed to bring in cocktails, so how bad could it get?

And I really did like the movie. Emma Stone is adorable and Ryan Gosling is very Ryan Goslingesque and all was great until…. the ENDING.

I don’t understand how there is not more outrage over the ending of this movie.

The entire movie is a homage to feel good, old school Hollywood movies until the end where suddenly they’re like… oh yeah, they don’t end up together. Here’s a montage of what it would have been like if they ended up together. But they didn’t. Movie over. Pick up your empty popcorn tub, throw away your empty plastic wine cup and go home and pay the sitter. Because this is over.

I felt robbed. Betrayed. Puzzled. The whole world is crazy and we can’t at least watch Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling ride off into the sunlit jazz club together?

I figured NPR’s Terry Gross would get to the bottom of it on Fresh Air when she interviewed the director Damien Chazelle. But no, she never even mentioned it. In fact, she seemed way more interested in Damien Chazelle as a person and way less interested in why two fake characters (Mia and Sebastian) didn’t end up together in the “it” movie of the year.

Without Terry’s insight, I’ve had to figure this out on my own. In the end, I decided, the movie is not about love and romance. It’s about pursuing ones dreams. And the choices one makes. And the roads not taken.

But it still nagged at me. Why couldn’t they find success and stay with each other?

I guess for my perfect ending, I’ll have to re-watch the Notebook where Rachel McAdams must choose between two men and she wisely picks Gosling.

Now that’s a Hollywood ending a romantic can love.


Jan
06
2017

I went to a wedding on New Year’s Eve which is the best thing you can possibly do on New Year’s so I’m now going to make friends with anyone newly engaged.

I hadn’t bought a new dress in ages so I thought I’d buy one for the wedding. But I wasn’t finding a lot of shopping time with the “traveling to Memphis with five kids” and “creating Christmas and Hanukkah magic” and “trying to send out holiday cards” with old addresses written in illegible writing on our 14 year old wedding gift list.

The morning of the wedding I tried to go dress shopping with three of my kids. 12 year old Dylan somehow left with a dress. I did not.

Later on that day, we dropped our children at my inlaws and my father’s house. My husband and I had about 22 minutes of spare time before we had to head home to get dressed. So I said, “Let’s go to Bloomingdales!”

I shopped for 22 minutes of uninterrupted, no children interfering time and left with two dresses. One for the wedding….

dresswedding

and one for a fun dance night out in Miami….

dressmiam

(I have no plans for a fun dance night out in Miami but once you own the dress, you really are obliged to plan such an outing.)

Once we got home, we quickly got ready and that’s when I realized the dress I bought for the wedding STILL HAD THE GIANT SECURITY TAG ON.

dresssecuritytag

Bloomingdales was now a half hour away and closed. And our local department stores were closed too.

CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP.

Since we had about 6 minutes till we had to leave, I decided that was the perfect time to haul the tool box from the garage and get that security tag off.

I tugged. I pulled. We tried a wrench. We tried needle nose pliers. And despite the fact that these security tags are not very good at making the alarm go off when you leave a store, they are very good at staying on when you need to get to a wedding.

I can be a very determined woman but I had been outsmarted and outmaneuvered by a security tag.

Rick suggested wearing a different dress since we had to leave 3 minutes ago. I finally relented and wore the “fun night out in Miami” dress.

We had a fabulous time at the wedding…

weddingrickandkelcey

and the next day, we drove to Bloomingdales. I spotted two sales associates in the men’s department and marched up with my dress and receipt.

They were very apologetic.

“Wow. You really tried to get this thing off.”

At least my effort was recognized.

“Do you happen to have a wedding to go to tonight also?”

Surprisingly, I did not.

I told them not to mention anything to the woman who sold me the dresses. She was so ridiculously nice and I know she would have been upset to think of me with those needle nose pliers tugging and pulling with great frustration at my new dress.

Just tell her I happened to be in the store again – and I wanted her to know – it was a great wedding.


Dec
28
2016

I was in Memphis for the holiday and I knew it was going to be a very special Christmas morning because the very first thing my daughter said to me was…

“You forgot to charge my phone.”

And I must have had a disapproving look on my face because it was quickly followed by… “I mean, Merry Christmas!”

And later on I was questioned whether Santa can return the nail polishes in their stockings for different colors. I immediately made a note to ask Santa about the North Pole return policy.

We were in Memphis with my sister and her family for the holiday and I always love seeing them.

quinnandkelcey

Some of my favorite things this year…

The Christmas tree fell over. No one had any helpful information on how it exactly happened. 6 year old Chase said “when I walked in the room it was just falling” which seemed highly suspicious but no one else elaborated. Of course, the only other people in the room were two 3 year olds. And everyone was keeping quiet.

Luckily no one was hurt although the tree never quite bounced back.

christmastree

Interestingly enough, in this very same room, a vine was growing through the window. Like seriously.

img_6179

My sister said they kept meaning to go outside and trim it but who has the time when you have 3 kids – including a baby.

OMG the baby!

7 month old Cicely is the CUTEST. Here’s everyone trying to get her to smile for a photo.

cicely

Meanwhile, Santa wrote the sweetest note to the kids. But someone needs to seriously tell him it’s “Ho Ho Ho” and not “Hoo Hoo Hoo.”

santanote

Maybe he was doing his best owl impersonation. That guy gets giddy after visiting a few million houses.

The trip ended at Graceland where we had to say goodbye to my sister and her family before heading to the airport.

kelceyandcicely

What baby? I’m not leaving with any baby.


Dec
09
2016

A few summers ago, my daughter (then 5) broke her arm falling off the monkey bars.

When she got the cast off and had fully healed, she asked me if I could lift her up to the monkey bars and try again. I didn’t hesitate. Absolutely.

I mean, shouldn’t she work on her monkey bars skills so she doesn’t fall again? (By the way, have you tried the monkey bars as an adult? Really hard.)

And I have tried to never say to my children, “Don’t climb up the slide. It’s only for coming down!” in that sing songy voice.  They should climb up it – as long as someone isn’t coming hurtling toward them. Who made this “no climbing up the slide” rule anyway? A jungle gym should be climbed, swung on and conquered.

And the other day, when I was at a playground with my kids, they looked up at this gigantic hill and said, “Can we roll down that?”

This time I did hesitate, because there are no hills in South Florida and I knew it was a garbage landfill under that hill. But I finally relented to their pleadings.

“Okay, let’s go roll down it!”

kids-lying-on-the-hill

And as the sun set, they rolled again and again with shrieks of joy and not one sibling squabble. It didn’t even smell. I have no idea how that’s possible. Landfill magic.

kids-rolling-down-hill

This is what children are meant to do. Not spend hours and hours and hours sitting. But yet, we constantly try to demand that of even young children. According to Angela Hanscom, a pediatric occupational therapist and author of “Balanced and Barefoot,” “Elementary children need at least three hours of active free play a day to maintain good health and wellness. Currently, they are only getting a fraction of this time.”

This week, I spent over an hour trying to help my 6 year old son learn his spelling words. They were just too hard for him. He struggled with tears in his eyes as he misspelled them again and again. I was frustrated and impatient. He felt not-so-smart. I finally said, enough.

“You have done great Chase. You have mastered a bunch of words. Not all of them. But you will learn them in time. We will work on them one by one. Now go out and jump on the trampoline.”

And that’s what he did. I really believed it restored his emotional balance.

Our education system may be demanding unrealistic things from our children. But I don’t have to. I don’t care what he got on that spelling test. I want learning to be a fun experience (he’s in first grade and he adores his teacher!). And then he needs to be free to move.

Hanscom says in a Washington Post article that occupational therapists like herself are trying to get kids wiggling again.

“We encourage children to go upside down, to jump off objects, to climb to new heights and spin in circles to give them a better sense of body awareness. All of these rapid and changing movements shift the fluid around in the inner ear to develop a strong vestibular (balance) sense. A unifying sense, the vestibular system supports good body awareness, attention and emotional regulation. These skills are fundamental to learning in the classroom.”

The truth is kids spend way too much time sitting… from school to the car to homework to sedentary activities. And when they can play, adults are always trying to limit them.

“We say things like, “Get down from there, you are going to get hurt.” And, “Stop spinning, you are going to get dizzy.” We keep children in an upright position for the majority of their day. This does little to stimulate and challenge the senses. Its no wonder our kids are fidgeting like crazy, crying at the drop of a hat and slumping over their desks like rag dolls,” says Hanscom.

So get dizzy. Fall over. Swing on the monkey bars. Climb up the slide.

Let’s stop telling kids “to be safe” and start telling them “to spin.”

Their health depends on it.

kids-on-hill



kelcey kintner


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