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Aug
07
2015

My 2 year old son is a very active boy. Seriously. Here he is with some creamer he located in my in-law’s fridge…

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You can’t really blame him. It’s really good creamer.

That happened in the ONE minute I was helping one of my other children.

Cash is a busy kid but he is an amazing sleeper. I think his secret is that he sucks his thumb (my first and only to do this) so it comforts him all night long. Hopefully, he’ll stop sucking his thumb by his wedding day but if he doesn’t, I at least hope he won’t do it during the ceremony.

But as soon as we embarked on our drive up North, Cash stopped sleeping. We checked into our first hotel in Savannah, GA around midnight which seems like prime toddler sleeping time. But he just stood in his pack ’n play, staring at us and whimpering.

Not for 5 minutes. Not for 10 minutes. Hours. I finally resorted to trying to sleep in his pack ’n play with him. Here’s a reenactment…

pack 'n play

Nope. Not even that worked. I guess he finally went to sleep that night in Savannah. I have no idea.  Because when I woke up the next morning, he was up too!  And staring at us. Not creepy at all.

The next night, we stayed in some town in Virginia. I have no idea where because we were originally supposed to stay at a hotel in Fredericksburg. But when we got there at 1 am, the room smelled musty and all the bed sheets were damp.

Now I’m not super picky about my on-the-road accommodations but I prefer if my sheets aren’t damp. We went back to the front desk to notify them about the situation and the clerk said, “Oh I thought we took care of that problem!”

The hotel had no other rooms, so we packed up the bags and the five children and drove 15 minutes north. At 1:30 AM, we checked into our new not-damp hotel room and got settled. This time we were able to fit the pack ’n play in the bathroom! But instead of whimpering through the night, 2 year old Cash just cried.

I finally brought him into our bed where he didn’t cry but also didn’t sleep. We finally resorted to putting him back in the pack ‘n play near our bed – where he once again stood and stared at me while I slept. But now I had gotten used to it.

Things have gotten much better since we arrived on the Jersey shore. Cash has started to understand that the pack ’n play is following him wherever he goes. And he’s sort of succumbed to it.  And is now sleeping again.

But please God, just don’t let him realize that he can get out of it.


Aug
04
2015

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Me: Want to learn how to escape a car if it plunges 40 feet off a bridge? A friend just posted it on Facebook.

Rick: It’s never going to happen.

Me: It happens to someone.

Rick: It’s never going to happen.

Me: Tell that to the guy who just plunged 40 feet.

Rick: It’s never going to happen.

Me: So you don’t want to learn how to escape a car if it plunges off a bridge?

Rick: No.

Me: Okay, I’m going to find out and then you better hope you’re with me when it happens.

Rick: Can you tell me one thing – can we use the McDonald’s Happy Meal containers in the backseat as floating devices?

Me: I don’t think so.

Rick: Okay, okay, just tell me the first thing on the list.

Me: “Don’t panic.”

Rick: Seriously?

Me: Seriously. It says, “Don’t Panic.” See, if I hadn’t told you about this – you would have totally panicked and lessened your chance of survival.

Rick: I feel much safer now.


Jul
30
2015

CashUntil I had the honor of giving birth to Cash London, I had a lot of shy kids. Not too surprising since I was quite shy growing up and it’s apparently hereditary. My kids sort of stuck by my side.

In fact, I remember one friend (who I think was chasing her son around the parking lot at the time) said to me, “How do you get your kids to stay by your side?” I explained that I ordered them that way.

But I must have filled out the order form wrong this time because 2 year old Cash is totally the opposite. A complete extrovert. This is a big relief for Rick who is very outgoing and was starting to worry that I was having all these children with shy Cal from the gas station.

The nice thing about having an outgoing child is that he will smiley sweetly at everyone. Unlike my daughter Dylan who was very shy in her younger years and would stare people down until they gave up with all that damn bubbly friendliness.

The not so great thing about a very outgoing kid is that they are in everyone’s business. And I mean, everyone’s business.

Here are the things 2 year old Cash is probably doing right now to drive someone crazy:

1. If someone is feeding their kid yummy cheesy crunchy things, he will stand very very close to them until this person offers him some. Despite the fact that he has his own yummy, cheesy, crunchy things about a foot away in his diaper bag. Once this person has relented and given him some food, he will of course expect more.

2. He will take sunglasses off stranger’s heads.

3. At the pool, he will attempt to put other children’s shoes on his feet. Yes, he will put his stinky, dirty, adorable toddler foot into stranger’s shoes. And if the parent tries to hide their child’s shoes, Cash will go to great lengths to find those shoes again. He’ll clear his whole afternoon schedule if he has too.

4. He will take a person’s phone out of their hands mid-text.

5. In a waiting room, he will climb up next to someone and demand to look at pictures of puppies on their phone. If this person doesn’t have a dog, he will expect him or her to find pictures of cute puppies on the internet. When Cash sees one to his liking, he will bring the phone over to me so I can see the puppies too. He will expect to keep the phone forever.

6. At a Mommy & Me class, he will walk over to another mother, sit in her lap and hand her a book to read. Not his own mother. Not a mother he knows. A mother he has never seen before. She will read the book because she has no idea what else to do. That’s what he is banking on.

7. He will walk up to someone, stand precisely one inch from them and stare at them until they give him something (a toy, food, their phone, their purse, their lifesavings – whatever, he’s flexible). They always oblige. He is patient, kind and relentless until he gets what he wants.

So if you happen to run into Cash, just be prepared. I will try to keep him under control but it’s best to lock down your stuff and hope for the best. And luckily, he is as cute as can be.

cash and Harlowe


Jul
27
2015

The other day I decided to go for a jog. So I put 2 year old Cash in the stroller and headed out…

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You know what? That might not exactly be me.

1. I don’t jog. I’m more of a fast walk kind of girl. Like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally. Because you know if you actually run, you might get a cramp and then you have to get someone to pick you up and you’ll have to break down the stroller and get it into the car trunk and well, that all sounds exhausting.

2. I don’t usually wear a stretchy bikini spandex outfit when exercising.

3. That couldn’t possibly be me because my son Cash is the Houdini of all strollers and would be out of that thing before I even had my first wedgy from that work out wear.

The kid can get himself out of all kinds of child safety straps. And then he usually takes off like a drunk cheetah in any direction. Or he just lies down the ground.

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Unsanitary? Perhaps. Better than running into traffic? Definitely.

So to recap, that ain’t my child in the stroller.

That photo is actually a new stroller ad for Bugaboo.

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I guess this marketing campaign targets hot model moms who like to run in swimwear.

If they debut a stroller for moms that speed walk like Billy Crystal and comes with a straight jacket mechanism to keep crazy toddlers from escaping, well, then they should contact me. Because I would totally be interested in that stroller.


Jul
23
2015

Target is in trouble – at least with some of it’s customers.

Some shoppers are really ticked off about this “Trophy” t-shirt being sold at the retail chain.

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They say it’s sexist and treats women like objects. And there’s even a petition on Change.org to get it removed from Target. With 13,000 signatures and counting.

Target has responded to the backlash by saying, “It is never our intention to offend anyone and we always appreciate receiving feedback from our guests. The shirt you’re describing is part of a collection of engagement and wedding shirts that are available in our women’s and plus size departments. The collection also included shirts that say ‘Team Bride,’ ‘Mrs.’ and ‘Bride.’ These shirts are intended as a fun wink and we have received an overwhelmingly positive response from our guests.”

But seriously, who would even wear a shirt like that?!

Trophy Wife T shirt

Oh never mind. I guess I would. Because I bought this sweatshirt like 4 years ago (not from Target).

My beef with the Target Trophy shirt is that it appears to be sort of unflattering and you can basically see through the material.

Plus, many shoppers on social media have said it’s hanging in the Juniors department and as a mom to three girls, I would not be happy to see it there. Fun wink or not.

But as a fun novelty gift for adults? I don’t see a problem with it. But where is the male equivalent?!

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Your move Target.

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kelcey kintner


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