Hey, it’s Thanksgiving! And Hanukkah! And Arbor Day! I’m not 100% on that last one.
Of course, it’s that time of year when we are grateful to not have an embarrassing video going viral and for so many other things. Like the fact that when I get on an airplane, I can relax in Juicy sweatpants instead of this…
That’s what Lady Gaga wore at LAX before she boarded a plane. I mean, I’m not even sure exactly what’s happening there.
And I’m grateful that I have a friend that would send me a text like this…
I am also so grateful that this calendar exists…
I am dying to see the other months. (By the way, if you adopt a pet, please try to adopt one from a rescue league. Disclaimer: I don’t think that guy comes with the cat.)
I am also so thankful that I have a 3 year old who tells me every night how much he hates his dinosaur sheets and every morning that he really really really really wants dinosaur pajamas.
I am grateful that I finally know enough about parenthood that I know my kid doesn’t need a potty with an iPad. And yes, this is a real product.
Because it’s never too soon to start learning how to poop on the potty while you download apps!
I’m truly grateful to not be married to Alec Baldwin because although his is a very talented and funny actor, he seems like he gets really angry sometimes.
Finally, I am grateful for a house that is always exploding with love and chaos, a husband who I love very much despite the fact that he has more Twitter followers than me and for readers like you who make me laugh and inspire me everyday. xo
My mother has been visiting and with the exception of when she went to our garage fridge at 1:30 am to get one of her “diet bubbly drinks” and set off the house alarm, things have been going pretty smoothly. (Sometimes when you wake up thirsty, water works. And as a bonus, the police don’t come.)
We have all really loved having her here. During her visit I have been testing out some toys for a future review on Alpha Mom. At one point, my mom heard me mention a couple of the toys and said, “Who are LeapFrog and Tabeo? The twins?”
Obviously from this day forward I will now always refer to Chase and Harlowe as Leapfrog and Tabeo. I wish I had thought of those names when they were born.
On Saturday night, we wanted to go out with some new friends in Ft. Lauderdale, so we asked my mother to babysit.
This was a little problematic because, with the exception of 6-month-old Cash, she goes to bed before all my kids.
The second problem is that she can’t operate a television. Or at least not our television. Because there are a couple different power buttons and a lot of channels. I distinctly remember being out at a restaurant once and Rick having to talk her through the TV controls as if he was managing an intense hostage situation.
We decided she should watch “Grease” with our older girls on the downstairs TV. And then upstairs, we left the TV on for later. At first, Rick wanted to put on some “Monk” marathon but I vetoed that based on that fact that I’ve never seen the show but it sounds weird and why did that same guy win an Emmy year after year anyway?!
Instead we put on a station that was showing back to back episodes of “Modern Family.” And bless her heart because she watched that show (with commercials) for the next four hours until we got home. We were very grateful.
And yes, of course she set off the alarm again the next morning.
She’s headed back to Connecticut today. I think the alarm company is really going to miss her. So will we.
mama bird notes:
My review on Leapfrog, Tabeo and other hot toys of the year is coming up on Alpha Mom. Meanwhile, you can check out my baby monitor review now.
I’ve been sort of on the edge of a nervous breakdown this week. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by all the heaviness and tragedy in the world that I can’t fix or even comprehend.
Then add in my own chaos at home. I love my children but why must they all request things AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. Plus, 9-year-old Dylan is once again very anti-Florida after her trip to New York and I vacillate between compassionately listening to her grievances and impatiently telling her to be grateful for all the wonderful things in her life like a home, a family and sunny 75 degree weather.
And then factor in my fatigue and well… that’s how you get to nervous breakdown territory.
So in case you’re having a rough week or even if you aren’t, here are some of the things that made me laugh…..
The fact that Kim Kardashian thinks this is an outfit…
That Martha Stewart, the queen of hosting, tweets food pictures that look like this…
She can keep the salad and the onion soup lunch. Ugh.
There is even a Change.org petition to get her to take better pictures with her iPhone.
Another favorite item – pictures of people recreating their childhood photos. This is one of the best…
Finally, one of my friends in NY (let’s call her Daryl) sent me this…
Yes, that’s a Ryan Gosling coloring book.
Suddenly, I’m feeling much much better.
Rick and my 9-year-old daughter Dylan went to New York this weekend.
I was left with 6-year-old Summer, the 3-year-old twins and 6-month-old Cash.
That sounds fair, right?
While Dylan hung out in NY with her very best friend in the entire world, Rick went to a Giants game with his buddies. And since they would be drinking, they arranged for transportation.
I have no idea why they rented just an enormous bus. I can only assume they thought they might run into the Radio City Rockettes who would obviously ask them for a lift home.
Meanwhile, I was dealing with this transportation…
Have your kids ever convinced you to use one of these bus like shopping carts? The thing has zero turning radius and barely moves. I took out an entire Triscuit display before I had even started my shopping.
As we went down the aisles, I just kept shouting, “Watch out everyone! I’ve got no control over this cart!! It could go rogue at any moment.” It really is the Sarah Palin of shopping transportation.
Somehow I managed to get through my grocery list. It cost me way more because I was in a total frenzy with all the kids. 3-year-old Chase kept asking me, “Is my swim lesson today?” One time would have been fine. 40 times was a bit excessive.
Summer wanted Ruffles and Pringles which I explained was completely unnecessary because they are pretty much the exact same foods. She explained how they are completely different. Something about the ridges. I told her to put one back. She did but I somehow ended up buying both.
Later, she packed both in her lunch. Along with a bagel.
Chase is also getting a lot of nutrition these days because he ate three packets of butter with a butter knife while I was eating at a restaurant with the kids. I pretended not to notice because I really wanted to finish my salad.
I left my home this week with six kids in my car. The five that always follow me around and one from next door. I was taking them all to the pool to swim because I mostly wanted them to stop wrecking my house.
As I pulled out of the driveway, I didn’t look out the back window. Nor did I glance at the rear view mirror. Nor did I check out the rear view camera.
What I did find time to do was slam into a car parked on the street.
I could have just sped off but I believe in owning up to one’s mistakes. And I had 6 eyewitnesses in the car. Although I don’t think 6 month old Cash would have said a word. He knows where his bread is buttered.
The important thing to do when notifying your spouse about a fender bender is to really make it out to be much worse than it is.
First, you send a photo of the damage..
And then you send a real photo of the damage…
Now it doesn’t seem so bad, right?
Rick was great about it and said, something like, “Well, this kind of thing just happens. Don’t beat yourself up.”
The thing is – it never just happens to Rick. It’s like he has some sort of magical power (like looking out his windows) to avoid other cars.
I mean, I was the one who messed up our Highlander about two days before we were scheduled to trade it in for the glorious, golden hued minivan.
And no offense to the entire state of Florida, but I really thought someone would hit me first here. I’ve noticed that Floridians like to drive fast and furious. Add in the fact that dead palm tree leaves are always crashing unexpectedly to the ground and someone was bound to side swipe me or something.
But no. I beat them all to it. I’ve always been an overachiever like that.
Now of course, my kids are all about the back seat driving. Every time, we pull out of the driveway, 3 1/2 year-old Chase says, “Mom, don’t hit anything.”
Preschoolers should really teach driver’s ed.