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By Contributing Mama Daphne Biener

For those of you who have not been closely tracking my recent obsession with, um, lovin’, just know that a few months ago I was obsessed with the pro-creational habits of garden squash. From there it was a short leap to the booty-seeking behavior of insects and amphibians.  And now I’m back with an update from suburbia that might have you craving a mid-day ride in the old minivan.

Let me explain.

groovyvanI know people love their minivans.  Mothers get a gleam in their eyes just talking about third row seats and sliding doors.

Hell, they’re chatting about strapping in kids and packing up cheerios as if they were sipping piña coladas poolside.  I just don’t get it.

I have claimed, boldly, that I will never, ever, ever buy a minivan.

“Not me. Not now.  Not ever,” I’ve been known to say with a smirk as I strum my fingers and rock to the beat of the High School Musical soundtrack pumping from the speakers of my station wagon.

This part I probably shouldn’t admit. Though I am the creator of an eco-focused blog, A Greener Biener, and a self-proclaimed adherent to the green path, it is not this commitment to the environment that has kept me from the van scene.

Here it is:  I’m just too darn cool.  Too cool to drive a mini-van to school.

That, and I simply haven’t been persuaded by the pro-mini-van rhetoric.  My children fit in the backseat of my car and the groceries haven’t complained about being stashed in trunk.  I never saw the need for a van.

But the times they are a’changing.

I always thought those tinted windows were just another feature marketed at parents yearning to protect their precious cargo littered throughout rows 1, 2 and 3.

I was wrong.

It has recently been brought to my attention that the mini-vanning mamas out there, those tot-schlepping, errand-running, peanut butter and jelly-making mini-van driving mamas are doing more than running laps between Target and swim practice.  More than soccer moms and food-shoppers, these ladies are my heroes.

These ladies are getting busy in the back seat.

That’s right.  I’m talking yes-we-can in the mini-van.  A little heat back in the third-seat. Things getting hot in the parking lot.

Ah, the minivan.  I’m beginning to see the allure.

I know you want names, but I can’t reveal my sources.  I will say this though; if you want to know who’s pulling out of the carpool lane and into lovers’ lane, there’s one surefire way to tell.

Look for the mama that’s smiling as she picks gummy old cheerios out of her hair.

You can read more of Daphne’s work on The Rocky Mountain Moms Blog, on her eco-fabulous site, A Greener Biener, or here on the mama bird diaries.

12 Responses to is it getting hot in the ‘burbs, or is it just me?

  • MN Mama says:

    You are too much….  I may be a suburban mom but I do not have a mini van nor do I want one.  The only thing I do admire about them is that moms in the carpool lane do not have to get out to let their kids out.  They just press some snazzy button to open their door.  When it is -25 around here that is a nice feature.  I am not doing it.  I love my SUV but there is none of this of which you speak going on in it nor will there be.  You do make me laugh! 

  • Karen Bland says:

    Daphne (remember me from the Tulane days? I just put this kelcey -connection all together.) Anyway, your piece was hysterical. And….WHO KNEW? I am totally anti-mini-van. Some of my best friends (and my sister) are those girls who swear by the automatic doors and the personalized tv systems – and brag about how many cases of diapers they can fit into the trunk. They look over at my volvo station wagon and laugh AT ME as they see three car seats wedged in to the back, and the groceries loaded up in the front seat – just so I can fit my 2 strollers in the back. And yes, I drive with my purse in my lap – that is the only place it fits. I guess there truly is a price to staying cool:)

  • Robin says:

    No minivan here either… my uterus has agreed not to produce more offspring than fit in a normal car.  But I’ll think I’ll suggest parking the Passat up on Lookout Point Saturday night…

  • Lanie says:

    I have heard that once you start driving your kids plus their friends it gets harder to avoid the minivan.   Good thing the twins don’t have too many friends.  Are you considering a mini van purchase? 

kelcey kintner