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Jul
21
2008

By Contributing Mama Jordana Bales

Last week I spent $650 on something that can fit into the palm of my hand. No, it’s not the latest iPhone, digital camera, GPS or an iPod (although when I told my husband, Michael, the price, he asked if it played MP3s!).

I bought an IUD. Version 2.0 (or maybe 5.0) is called a Mirena and it’s completely safe and effective.

When I was younger, I never really spent a lot of time planning a family. I was not the type of girl who dreamed of being a mother. I never played with dolls or fantasized about names. In fact, I thought I could be ok not having children at all.

I always wanted to want kids, but I never really had that craving. Intellectually, I knew my life would be better, more complete and satisfying if I procreated; however, in my heart of hearts, I just didn’t yearn for babies, like so many other women seemed to. I hoped that I would marry a man who wanted children, so I would have them.

Enter my husband. He comes from a family of three and has a very loving relationship with both his older brother and younger sister. There was no doubt he wanted children. My plan had materialized – I married a man who wanted children and soon after we had Ava.

Now, if I were playing blackjack, I would have stuck. However, Michael, early on in our marriage, told me “Don’t convince me to just have one child.” Note the brilliance of that statement. If he had said he really wanted two, I would have logically argued why one was so much better; citing studies as well as anecdotal evidence to bolster my opinion until he had no choice but to agree with me. But whenever I would begin to embark on the line of thinking, his words rang in my head. I had to respect the wishes of a man who gave me so much and asked for so little in return. And soon our second daughter, Lila, was born.

And all of a sudden having a third seems like something to consider. Is it my sleep deprived brain or the relief and happiness that follows from simply no longer being pregnant? I don’t know, but the bottom line is that I may want another. And that scares me a bit, because I know that if I don’t act – we could wind up with number three. Michael and I seem to be two fertile turtles and doing nothing would require another “I don’t like any names” discussion and a third college fund.

Enter the IUD (no pun intended). I definitely don’t want another kid for a bit – but I’m not ruling it out completely. My doctor says the IUD is good for five years – and I’m planning to get my money’s worth! So, maybe when Ava is 7 and Lila is 5, I’ll be ready for baby number three. And maybe not. I’m happy I made a decision – even if that decision is simply to postpone making a decision.


12 Responses to $650 and it only comes in white

  • I think it’s great to wait until both partners are a million percent sure they want a(nother) kid.
    I’m glad I was married before I felt that biological imperative to procreate. Those hormones are so strong (and irrational)!

    I was really disappointed to learn that my insurance doesn’t cover IUDs. Don’t they know that’s cheaper than a delivery?

  • Daphne says:

    Great post Jordana. I will always get weak-kneed to hold a new babe, but as my kids get further away from diapers and round the clock nursing, the need for #3 does grow weaker…

  • Melisa says:

    You sound like myself, when I was growing up. I never had that yearning to be a mother or have kids. I liked them fine, but not enough to think this is my future. My mother always told me that would all change when I met my husband and she was right. we are now expecting #1 and I have even entertained the thought of a #2 in the future!

  • Diane says:

    My husband and I were in a similar situation a few years ago – couldn’t imagine #3 but couldn’t imagine that our family was complete with just our two. We have subsequently had #3 and a short 13 months after her, #4 rocked our world. We are still reeling (ours are ages 10, 7, 3, and 2) but enriched beyond measure. Best wishes!

  • Aunt Marcia (Guess Whose?) says:

    By the time you have #3, we’ll have lots more dead relatives to name the new baby after. Just give me the initials and I’ll come up with another beautiful name. I hope it’s not starting with a “M”.

  • ErinB says:

    i am thinking of all the things I could spend 650 $ on… oh back to you now…I used to think 3 would be nice…until I had one and feel like most days I am just getting by- so I am still warming to #2…# 3 I dont know- but maybe its almost better to make the choice when you are sleep deprived cuz once you start getting sleep again its brutal going back!

  • Jamie W. says:

    Holy crap! My two youngest daughters are named Ava and Lila and I’ve just been considering getting the Mirena IUD…are we twins separated at birth?

    I had 3 girls in 5 years, with the last one being a total unexpected surprise. I’m so thankful and feel amazingly blessed now, but those first three months after I found out I was pregnant again…well, it wasn’t pleasant. I still feel guilty about how strongly I hated the idea of being pregnant again, but I’m crazy in love with HER. She’s my beautiful happy surprise.

  • Jen says:

    We have two and are SO DONE!! I could not handle the newborn period all over again. No way. So you’d think we were getting the tubes tied or a super IUD or something, right? NO! After much thought, we are using the fertility awareness method. It is so empowering! I’m in control. I’m not putting my faith in some medical device, not using hormones, not having surgery. I’m just learning about my body and working with it.
    We do the “super” FAM method: no sex during fertile times and condoms any other time.
    My midwife was really pushing for the IUD but it is just not the method for us. FAM is not for everyone, but it is perfect for us. You can read “Taking charge of your fertility” to learn more.


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