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Kelcey

Oct
30
2014

Look we can’t all be as successful as those couples who find eternal love on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette but with a little advice we can all have a better chance of staying together.

These are my best marriage tips and by best I mean, these are the ones I could think of while watching TV and eating whoppers… two activities that are an intricate part of my pre Halloween mental preparation.

Hugging and Planning

Always give your spouse a hug and kiss when they get home from work. But realize this is still a multi tasking opportunity where you can discuss how you finally got that oil change taken care of but the minivan now needs to immediately go back for a required transmission and radiator flushing. Whatever that is. The more car problems, the longer the hug can be!

Saving Money Means Less Marital Stress

Want to save money? Every time your spouse says, “I really really want a new flat screen TV. Ours is so outdated,” you respond, “I really want new granite in the kitchen. Ours is uglier than grandma Helen’s in the 1970s. This is what we call a marital standstill and it will prevent you from doing anything, thus saving money which reduces marital stress.

Watch Your Favorite Shows Together – Just in Different Rooms

You like The Mindy Project and he likes The Black List? No problem. Watch them in different rooms! Send warm, loving texts like, “I hope you’re enjoying your show!” Run into each other in the kitchen while getting snacks and tell each other about exciting plot developments. It’s like watching a show together without the painful agony of sitting through a TV program you absolutely can’t stand.

Find Marital Balance

It works like this… He promises to not put plastic in the dishwasher as long as you let the kids stay up when his football team is playing because apparently their focused energy on the game can actually help his team win.

For the record, he has no idea why plastic can’t go in the dishwasher and you have no idea how sleeping children could cause his team to lose, but that’s okay.  You have reached a state of marital balance where you do puzzling things to make the other person happy.

Saturday Night: Paint the Town Red and Find Out How Your Kid is Doing in School

Go out to dinner with other couples. The couple will at some point ask, “How are your kids?” And this is when you will find out about important information you and your partner forgot to discuss… like your kid’s parent teacher conference, the fact that you are the designated snack family for this week’s soccer game and that your daughter wants to drop piano and take up guitar. Date night is like a fact finding mission with cocktails!

Acts of Kindness

Do nice things for your each other. Like he won’t post pictures of you on Facebook where you look 5 months pregnant (you’re not).  And you won’t post pictures on Facebook that shows his chin from an unflattering angle.

You can do other sweet things for your spouse like make the coffee in the morning, leave him little notes and record TV shows for him in standard-definition. Oh wait, was it high definition that he prefers? Oh who cares! It all looks the same. He won’t know the difference.

Say You’re Sorry! And then say it again!

You don’t know why you are saying sorry, but just do it. A lot! Once in awhile your spouse will say, “Why are you sorry?” and you won’t know the answer to that one. But don’t panic. Just say, “Because I was wrong. And you look beautiful. Let’s kiss and put on your favorite movie.”

It’s as easy as that.

So follow all these tips and marital bliss is yours.

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Photo Courtesy of Ruffled.

Oct
26
2014

Screen Shot 2014-10-26 at 10.07.15 PMEvery one is always telling me to do more videos! And sometimes I think to myself, why don’t I do more videos?! I’m a former TV reporter so I hopefully have some kind of on air presence, once upon a time I could edit video and I’m sure the world is clamouring for more funny clips in their Facebook feed from middle aged moms.

So I ended up pitching this art hoarder idea to NickMom – because parents really do accumulate a lot of art in their children’s younger years and they might not all be Picasso-ish.

Filming the piece was easy. I recruited my husband who was a little under the weather from shingles but in support of my future media empire, he agreed to it. At times he said that he needed to rest but I told him to buck up and get a better angle of me wrapping a deli sandwich in a dinosaur painting.

I also kept screaming, “Make me look like a super model Folbaum!!!” because I heard that’s very therapeutic for people suffering from shingles.

Then it came to editing this video and it turns out iMovie is less “intuitive” and more “what the fu*k?!” So I signed up for a movie making session at Apple (that’s where all the good film directors hone their craft).  I hired 2 sitters for my 5 children and headed to Ft. Lauderdale one afternoon.

As soon as I got there, I was told that I had booked the wrong kind of appointment. I had apparently scheduled time with the genius bar when I actually needed a one-to-one session. Could I come back another day, a blue shirted Apple girl asked me.

I explained what it took for me to get there with 5 kids, 2 babysitters and an outdated Google Maps that always displays my map upside down and surely amongst the army of 19 year old blue shirted Apple associates, there must be someone who could give me a quick tutorial on iMovie.

She made a call to the back and told someone influential… “There is a woman here with QUITE a back story. Can anyone help her with iMovie?”

I must have seemed really sad and desperate because I got my iMovie tutorial and you can now see my NickMom video by clicking here or watch below.

If you like it, please share it with your friends and family. I will be forever grateful and you will be rewarded with a chocolate caramel unicorn unless unicorns don’t exist and then you’ll just get good internet karma.

Oct
23
2014

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10 year old Dylan’s story:

I recently picked up my 10 year old daughter at school and this is the story she told me….

“At recess, we were playing on the playground and all of a sudden it started to rain. And not just a little rain but tons and tons of rain. And we were under the sun shade but that didn’t do anything to stop the water. And we were all trying to escape the rain by ducking under slides but it really wasn’t working because it’s a sun shade, not a rain shade. They really should put up rain shades. And the rain did not stop. We finally had to run back to the school and we all got soaking wet.”

<Takes big breath and keeps going.>

“When we got inside, we had to take off our shoes and socks. But they knew we couldn’t go back to class because we were all wet and we would be freezing. So there was a religious school near by and they had all these brand new t-shirts and they loaned us the shirts. We all put on the t-shirts. We are supposed to return the shirt tomorrow washed with a thank you note.”

My husband Rick’s story:

This is how my husband (a TV news anchor) would tell the same story…

Exactly like Dylan – as if he was filling air time for a breaking news story and at the end he would say, “We have to take a quick break but when we return, find out if the t-shirts actually got returned with thank you notes! And our reporter checks in with the children to find out how they are adjusting to life after this dramatic rainstorm.”

Kelcey’s story:

This is how I would tell the rain story….

“There was a big rain storm at Dylan’s school during recess and Dylan’s class got drenched. The religious school kindly loaned them t-shirts. So please, for the love of laundry, someone help me remember to wash this shirt and return it tomorrow. And Dylan, you need to write a thank you note. And oh my gosh, we still haven’t written your birthday thank you notes and your birthday was a month ago!! Can someone remind me of that too? I wrote a reminder note but I think it’s under two week’s worth of mail.”

Summer’s story:

This is how 7-year-old Summer would tell the rain story…

“I’m hungry. Did you bring any food for me? Can we stop for frozen yogurt?”

Chase’s story:

This is how 4-year-old Chase would tell the rain story…

At recess, the rain came shooting down from the sky and Dylan and all her friends got all wet. So they took swords and battled the rain until the pirates came and put them in a big ship and sailed them back to their class.

Harlowe’s story:

This is how 4-year-old Harlowe would tell the rain story…

Dylan and her friends got all wet at recess and then – MOMMY, TOMORROW WHEN I GO TO SCHOOL AND I BRING MY DRAWING OF A RAINBOW AND SHOW IT TO MY FRIEND OLIVIA AND THEN WHEN I GET HOME FROM SCHOOL CAN I PUT IT ON MY WALL?!

Cash’s story:

This is how 1 1/2 year old Cash would tell the rain story…

“Hiya!”

Clearly, Cash knows how to be succinct. I love that in a kid.

Oct
20
2014

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Kelcey sent her husband Rick this email…

I am panicked about Ebola.

___________________________

And Rick responded….

Don’t be. You should be panicked about how long the car maintenance light has been on.

___________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Your obsession with that light is unhealthy. I just think of it as a reminder that the car needs love. So I give the car a few positive affirmations each morning when I see the light. Things like… your leather interior is terrific! Way to move those wipers!! All the goldfish you are wearing make you look skinny. Stuff like that.

___________________________

And Rick wrote….

Does the car ever respond that it really needs an oil change and more air in the tires?

___________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Never. By the way, I have something I have to admit to you.

___________________________

And Rick wrote….

You sent Ryan Gosling a baby gift?

____________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

No, I did not send him a gift. I don’t know him. I’m not insane. Although now that you bring him up,  I do think we might be connected on a very spiritual level.

_____________________________

And Rick wrote…

Like the way Salma Hayek is my spiritual guru?

______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Sort of. Except Ryan Gosling and I are truly connected. And you just have a crush on Salma. Completely different dynamic.  Anyway, I want to confess that the other night I was watching Jimmy Fallon and I almost didn’t tell you that Neil Diamond was on.

You know I have a lot of post traumatic stress from going to see that Neil Diamond cover band Super Diamond. Everyone kept saying I’d know the songs. Turns out I only know one Neil Diamond song and the rest of the concert felt like being trapped in a doctor’s office listening to some tortured easy listening station.

_____________________________

And Rick wrote…

Neil Diamod is a God.

_____________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

If you say so. Anyway, I almost didn’t tell you which would have meant that you would have missed out on his new song (the one that sounds like every other song he sings) and the way he sways back and forth like a lounge singer, and that would have been quite a loss. Obviously, I did the right thing so our relationship can recover but I wanted you to know the truth.

_____________________________

And Rick wrote….

It’s very brave of you.

_____________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Do you think Neil Diamond is panicked about Ebola?

_____________________________

And Rick wrote….

I don’t think so. He’s too focused on being Neil Diamond.

_____________________________

And Kelcey wrote…

Oh one more thing… you know that guy Charlie Crist who is running for Florida Governor? The one who needs an electric fan at every event and wants every Florida resident to have a fan too?

______________________________

And Rick wrote….

Yes, I know who he is. I don’t think he’s promised a fan for every Floridian.  But he does like his own fan at campaign events.

______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

I’m going to start traveling with a fan. Sort of a combo of Charlie Crist and Beyoncé. I think it will make me seem more glamorous at school drop off.

______________________________

And Rick wrote….

Absolutely. Plus, if you ever run into Ryan Gosling, you’ll look so cool and refreshed.

_______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

Exactly. Honey, you know me so well. Okay, I gotta run.

_______________________________

And Rick wrote….

Love you. And Salma. But you way more.

_______________________________

And Kelcey wrote….

You write the sweetest things. xo

Oct
16
2014

Many many years ago, when we had two kids and still lived in the West Village of Manhattan, Summer (age 1 1/2) and Dylan (age 3 1/2) sang their rendition of Do-Re-Mi.

Now of course, we have been trying to teach 17 month old Cash to say “doe” so that we can recreate this Sound of Music magic but he only really likes to say “hi-yuh!” which is super awesome but doesn’t really work for this particular song.

Meanwhile, the twins have been learning Do-Re-Mi too – mostly because it’s a core part of my highly acclaimed bedtime songs routine. (Mostly highly acclaimed by me but whatever.)

Well, Chase and Harlowe decided they wanted to sing it together one night after bath but before I actually brushed their hair.

And I think you will agree after you watch the video that they will probably not be joining the Von Trapp family anytime soon.

Obviously, we are going to refocus our efforts on teaching Cash “doe.”


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