By Contributing Mama Erin Butler

There are several things about motherhood that has surprised me.

How after nearly two years, every night before I go to bed, I still have to put my hand on my daughter to check if she is breathing.

How before we go anywhere there is a minimum of 30 minutes prep time, not including the inevitable three diaper changes before we actually get into the car.

But most of all, how incredibly lonely motherhood can be.

I always envisioned myself enthralled in playgroups and mommy and me classes combined with hours of non-stop activities at home.

I never thought there would be days when we would play with all her toys, read all her books, have no place to go, not one person to talk to and be staring at each other with boredom by 11:30am.

Don’t mistake this for being ungrateful, because I am 100% thankful for the opportunity to stay home with her, but sometimes, despite being with this smiley little face 24/7…

There are days I feel completely alone.

My friends are fabulous but I wish our lives paralleled a little more. Some of them work, some have numerous children to juggle and others live countless states away. Moving to a new town right before having a baby has proved to be social suicide.

Sadly, the one mommy friend I made in town eventually went back to work several months after her son was born. Apparently being able to pay her mortgage was more important than the every day debate of whether to use Desitin or Triple-Paste. And while we are still good friends, I no longer have my beckon call mom for a daily sanity coffee break.

So I put myself back out there and opened my heart for someone new to come into my life. I immersed us in Gymboree classes, library story times, swimming lessons and Parks & Rec activities with the hopes of making friends along the way.

And it turns out; it’s as bad as dating. Maybe even worse.

There was the woman at the park; who I hit it off with immediately. She asked for my number, promised fabulous get-togethers and never called. To make things worse, she blatantly ignored me when we ran into each other a month later at the sandbox.

There was the neighbor who, upon our first meeting, told me numerous stories about her three children that often concluded with the phrase “…and she threatened to call social services again.”

And finally, there was the woman at the library, who told me flat out she wasn’t interested in play dates because they planned on moving in three years and she didn’t want any ties to the community.

If there was ever a town clearly in desperate need of a Welcome Club, this is it.

It is too much to ask to find my mommy soul mate? Someone who secretly eats their child’s Earth’s Best Oatmeal Cinnamon cookies, sometimes loses library books and is counting down until their child’s second birthday so they can allow her to watch “Sesame Street” without worrying about it corroding her growing brain?

I mean, just as an example.

I know this won’t last forever and one day my social circle will expand again. And as lonely as I feel I won’t wish away this time because it is already slipping by faster than I can process.

Instead, I am trying to embrace these moments when it’s just us, remembering that she doesn’t care where we are, what we are doing or who else is with us.

Because I am her mommy. Her everything. And that is all that matters.

So for now, it’s just me and the little one.

And that’s definitely not a bad thing.

My mom just moved back home to Connecticut. Yes, she is still pursuing her Master’s Degree in social work but she’s decided she wants to finish her degree in the Nutmeg state. The lure of the nutmeg is mighty.

As I drove with the girls from Manhattan to Connecticut to visit my mom, I did a little hands-free parenting…

“Summer, please stop whining and tell me what you need. No, Dylan is looking at that book. You can have it in two minutes. Summer, if you keep whining, you’re not getting the book. It’s Dylan’s turn. Look at this book instead. Summer, there is no reason to throw it on the floor. You can just say no thank you.  No, you can’t have Dylan’s book yet. In another minute. We have a million books back there. Why don’t you look at a different one? Summer, why are you crying? You’re getting the book in a minute. Crying won’t make it happen any faster. Ok two minutes is up. Dylan, please give her the book now. No, I can’t read it to you. I’m actually trying to drive….”

When Jennifer H goes on her lovely, scenic Thursday drives, she must not take the kids along.

But once we arrived at the beach and felt the sand between our toes and the cool May breeze, the mini road trip was completely worth it.

Later on, we grabbed dinner.

Before becoming a mother, I would never have imagined that one day I’d go into a restaurant with my kids, sit down and start perusing the menu before realizing that my 2 1/2 year-old wasn’t wearing any shoes.

And then a momentary pause to think , “Did I even bring her shoes?”

And then I realize, yes I did.

And even better than shoes, the girls slept all the way back to the city.

mama bird notes:

Thanks to everyone who entered the contest to win a Kodak ESP-7 All-in-One Printer! Of course, now I’m dying to see these embarrassing, funny photos of you all. I had my dad randomly pick a winner (so if you didn’t win, take it up with him). The winner is jsk! Send your address to kelcey@mamabirddiaries.com and my dad will personally deliver the printer. Ok, it might be FedEx.

If you’re following my journey on 23andMe, here’s an excerpt from latest post. My husband has decided to take the DNA plunge:

“I’ve known my husband almost a decade and I just didn’t think he had any hidden talents left. But I was wrong because the guy can really spit. When I did my spitting for 23andMe, it took FOREVER…”

To read more, click here.

Finally, The Mouthy Housewives are here to answer your questions.

Just send your questions to ask@mouthyhousewives.com. Completely confidential.

Because if we can’t help you, who can?!

My husband’s Emmy statuette came in the mail today.

It’s a typical Emmy. Gold, shiny, with a bit of a superiority complex.

And so far Rick seems to really like it.

He’s allowed to sleep with his Emmy for a couple days and then I want my spot in bed back.

mama bird notes:

You can still enter to win the  Kodak ESP-7 All-in-One Printer by leaving a comment on Monday’s post. Good luck everyone!

God knows, I’ve spent a great deal of time pondering the important questions of my life like…

How do I convince all those bird lovers that The Mama Bird Diaries has nothing to do with birds, and they can all stop following me on twitter?

And how do we end the stereotype that every mother is an insane chocolate addict who secretly raids her children’s Halloween bags and Easter baskets? As if we can’t control ourselves. It’s insulting.

Can’t we focus on more important things like the need for another woman on the US Supreme Court or equal wage for equal work? Ponder that a moment while I attempt to lick the last remnants out of this can of Betty Crocker Rich and Creamy Chocolate Frosting.

And finally, why would my daughter Dylan rather have me read “Fancy Nancy” for the 10 billionth time, when instead, I could read her fresh, hot off the press material from The New York Times’ Styles’ section?

But as I mull over these enormous, life altering questions, I now realize that I’m just being selfish.

Because you probably have questions too. That need answers.

So  Jessica, Marinka, Wendi, Heather and I are here to save you (not in a religious way but more in an intellectual, sexy superhero kind of way).

We’ve just created a new advice blog called The Mouthy Housewives. I really was vying to put “birds” somewhere in the title but you know how stubborn Wendi can be. Or call it, “Dear Abby” but Marinka kept ranting endlessly about boring trademark issues, as if anyone has heard of this so-called Abby.

And yes, answering your questions might mean we all have to cut back just a bit on our TV watching commitments, but we think you’re totally worth it.

As long as the blog makes us insanely rich.

PS. Thank you to Eat Play Love, Sticking to the Point, Thursday Drive, Mayberry Mom and The Mommy Esquire Diaries for helping with our launch.

mama bird notes:

Contributing Mama Renee Martinez, of Mothers Raising Boys, is herself the mother of four boys. Yes, four. Click on contributing mamas to find out what happens when two of them decide to imitate animals in the wild.

And finally, how awesome would it be to win a free printer so you could actually start printing out all those zillions of photos you have on your computer?!

This week I’m giving away the Kodak ESP-7 All-in-One Printer. And the coolest part? The ink is actually affordable. Kodak will help you figure out if you’re currently overpaying for printer ink by clicking here.

And those nice people at Kodak absolutely promise me they are working on ways for customers to easily recycle ink cartridges.

To enter to win the Kodak ESP-7 All-in-One printer, just leave a comment this week and tell me about the craziest, funniest or most embarassing photo ever taken of you. Or you know, just write, “enter me in the contest,” because I’m a pushover like that.

Dates to Diapers and SelfishMom are also running the same contest if you want to enter at their sites too!

By Contributing Mama Renee Martinez

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be an animal? Yes, an animal.

Let me explain.

One evening last summer while I was making dinner, two of my boys were playing in the backyard. Nothing unusual. They appeared to be happy. No arguing or bloodshed. I guess the only thing that made me suspect that they might be up to something was the fact that they were so good. No screaming, not one conflict for about 20 minutes.

The moment I walked outside to check on them, I knew I was in trouble. The mommy senses kicked in. I caught a strong scent of feces floating in the air. Neither of the boys were in sight. Were they playing hide and seek? Then I caught another whiff of the gross odor. I checked my shoes for remnants of doggy gifts often scattered in the yard but my shoes looked clean.

What on earth was that horrible smell?!

Then, I spotted them behind the trees. Did I see what I thought I saw? I could swear that I saw my son crouched down with his pants at his ankles. Did he just flash me a moon?

Then it dawned on me what the smell might be. Human poop!

Fuming, I realized there was a good chance my 7 and 5 year-old boys just did BM’s in my backyard. How, why and did my neighbors see this? Did I ask why?

I tried to control myself from screaming and calmly approached the boys. My son quickly pulled up his pants as though nothing was going on and it was just another fun time in the yard. I asked, “Hey guys, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. Just playing,” the older one explained.

For awhile they admitted nothing but finally, the 5 year old confessed, “Mommy, we were playing animals! We wanted to poop like animals too!”

It was one of those moments when as a parent you are both humored and appalled and angry at the same time. What could I say to that without cracking up? Or on the other extreme, blowing up?

I demonstrated more anger than anything. Looking back, I probably overreacted. I now understand that they were just curious, but I couldn’t fathom why they would do such a thing. The answer is that they’re kids.

As the mother of four boys (ages 8, 5, 3 and 9 months), Renee Martinez created Mothers Raising Boys to provide information on how to raise sons into fantastic men…responsible, respectful and confident members of society. Renee is creating and building a community where mothers can do their socializing as well as find opinions and answers on questions they might have on raising boys.