Rick and I recently went to see, “Billy Elliot” on Broadway… that show about an 11-year-old boy who dreams of being a ballet dancer.

First of all, it’s incredible. Second of all, it will make you feel like a complete failure – because you’re watching this kid on stage who is so fabulously amazing that you realize you’ll never have 1/100th of his talent at anything. And what on earth HAVE you done with your life?! But other than that downward spiral of self loathing, the show is flawless.

And even better than the show was the guy sitting behind us. This guy was CRAZY ENTHUSIASTIC.

After every musical number, he would aggressively clap and yell out in a thick New York accent,

“Bravo! Bravo! That was a show stopper! What a show stopper. My God!! My God!! Did you see that?! What a show stopper!”

And then during the second act, he ENTHUSIASTICALLY chewed gum. Super loud. Cracking and popping and snapping away.

At first, I, along with a few others, just looked back at him to give the ole, “Seriously? Are you really chewing gum that loud? I didn’t even now it was possible to chew gum that loud. For gosh sakes, Billy is dancing up there!  Can you shut the hell up and give that boy some respect?” look.

But Mr. Bravo was not one to pick up on subtle clues.

I sort of shy away from stranger confrontations… especially in New York City. But I figured that some guy attending a musical about a boy ballerina is probably not going to spit at me or kick my arse.  It’s a judgment call.

So I turned around and said ever so politely, “Can you please stop chewing your gum?”

And he mumbled, “I’m sorry” and got rid of the gum.

Wow.

Look at me.

I may not know how to pirouette properly or be a candidate for The Royal Ballet or be on Broadway but hot damn, I’m changing the world one loud-gum-chewing-theater-goer at a time. Hey, it’s something.

So the other day at breakfast, when Summer was eating her cereal mixed with orange juice (because apparently cereal with milk is completely passé)…

and Dylan was wearing her swim cap…

I started to dread the inevitable task of getting them dressed for the day.

I really HATE trying to get my kids dressed.

Because they don’t do it. At all. They just wander around, constantly getting distracted by musical instruments and dolls and sparkles and dental floss.

4 year-old Dylan has many excuses like…

“It takes me a really long time to figure out what I want to wear.”

“I need a little time to wake up first.”

“I’ll get dressed but first I need to dance. ”

You know, the kind of stuff that slows down us adults in the morning  too.  I used to be constantly late for work because of my morning Riverdance ritual.

So I’ve come to really not care what Dylan and Summer put on, as long as it’s something sort of weather appropriate, which pretty much includes everything except bathing suits. So that’s how Dylan ended up happily wearing her pajama top, tights and Dora nightgown all day.

And then when she got home, she promptly put on a different pair of pajamas so she could, you know, in her words “be more comfortable.”

Yeah, I can imagine that Dora nightgown must have felt like a Victorian corset.

Oh, my sweet Dylan… wear as many pairs of pajamas as you desire.

Because when you’re comfortable, so am I.

mama bird notes:

I recently was invited to an Oral-B event with the very likeable pediatrician Dr. Laura Jana at the fab New York City playspace Apple Seeds.

I quickly realized that I didn’t know much about taking care of my kids’ teeth. Did you know that you are supposed to bring your kid to the dentist as soon as their first tooth appears? And flouride is not recommended for kids under 2? And that your children should be brushing morning and night for a full 2 minutes. I think I only brush my own teeth for like 33 seconds.

In the spirit of healthy teeth, I’m giving away this adorable tote from Oral-B, filled with kids’ toothbrushes, toothpaste, Dr. Jana’s books and some super cute bathroom accessories.

To enter the giveaway, just leave a comment this week and mention your dental hygiene in some way so that I know you are interested in the giveaway. Good luck birdies.

You didn’t see the Academy Awards?! You had something better to do with 5 hours of your life?

Well, no matter. You can still interject yourself seamlessly into post Oscar banter at the office or the playground. Here are your official Academy talking points:

Brad and Angelina think they are ACTUAL royalty… you know, like the British monarchy kind. And Mr. and Mrs. Majesty could not be bothered to take part in plebeian Red Carpet rituals.

Sean Penn (who won “Best Actor”) never bothered to thank his wife, Robin Wright Penn, during his acceptance speech. Not really a brilliant move since this couple was recently on the brink of divorce. I think Sean and his Oscar may soon be seeing each other exclusively.

My husband tragically stumbled in the “Best Actor” category, incorrectly picking Mickey Rourke. Rick feels a great deal of shame about this misstep and knows he needs to commit more time to watching the E network and less time on those tedious news shows.

I adore Sarah Jessica Parker but really didn’t like her hair. Something about the middle part or the big curls. I asked Rick for his opinion. But he was too transfixed by her breasts to actually hear me.

Lovebirds Alicia Keys and Zac Efron are rumored to now be ring shopping. Or maybe they just presented together at the Oscars. I don’t recall the actual details.

Obviously, the big winner of Oscar night was….

Jennifer Aniston.

With on and off again boyfriend John Mayer showing up and the Brangelina beauty wonder twins both losing, it was obviously her night to sparkle.

Oh and I think that “Slumdog Millionaire” flick did pretty ok too.

So tonight are the Academy Awards…

Back in the day (pre-kiddos), Rick and I would go to Oscar parties and he would consistently win the Oscar pool and we would bring home our loot and bask in his supreme movie prowess, while dreaming up ways to lavishly spend the $50 bucks.

Now we just sit on our couch and watch.

Rick still gets just about every category right. But no one gives us any money whatsover.  Kind of like “Slumdog” without the millionaire.

But with “Project Runway” in never ending legal limbo, the red carpet is pretty much all I’ve got. And at least Tim Gunn is hosting the official 1/2 hour red carpet show at 8 pm EST on ABC.  And Ryan Seacrest (always slightly irritating)  and Giuliana Rancic (how did she get that job?!) will cover celebrity arrivals from 6 to 8 pm on the E network.

Don’t you still miss Joan Rivers? Not so much Melissa. But Joan for sure.

So I can’t wait to find out…

Will Jennifer Aniston walk the red carpet with never-going-to-marry-her John Mayer?

What will Octomom be wearing? She has to be going, right?!

Will the host Hugh Jackman do any kind of shout out to my husband, you know, his new best mate?

Can anyone remember when Mickey Rourke was seriously hot? Nap Warden and I do. But it’s getting really hard to remember. Don’t expect tonight to jog your memory.

And finally, will the aforementioned “Slumdog Millionaire” win everything? It really should. What an incredible movie that came out of nowhere. Well, I haven’t actually seen it but the title sure sounds fun.

And since we’re not entered in any Oscar pools, Rick’s offering up his picks, so that those of you who are wagering might be able to enjoy a little economic stimulus:

Best Picture:  “Slumdog Millionaire”

Best Actress: Kate Winslett

Best Actor:  Mickey Rourke

Best Supporting Actress: Penelope Cruz

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger

Best Director:  Danny Boyle

Take it to the bank.

As for catagories like sound editing, um… you’re on your own.

Last night I went to a Vivienne Tam fashion show in Soho. Mostly because it’s such an ego boost to be surrounded by super tall, crazy skinny, ridiculously young, beautiful models. A real pick-me-up for a 3o something, 5 foot 4 mom.

As expected, Tam’s 2009 fall collection is vibrant, sleek and gorgeous.  And all the models carried this new digital clutch. It’s an HP mini computer, designed by Tam, that looks like a clutch bag.

You can’t stash your lip gloss in there but it pretty much does everything else. It has a sassy red keyboard and a silk carrying case (which I’m too paranoid to use because, within 3 minutes, it will be covered in organic mac n’ cheese).

How sassy and cute is this computer?

Photo courtesy of Gizmodo.

So I had the chance to meet Vivienne Tam….

I’m sure she’s checking out someone far fancier than me. And please, no comments on my Facebook blouse. My wardrobe is recession limited.

As if a fabulous fashion designer isn’t enough, I also got to hang out with the mysterious, hilarious Marinka. Ever wondered what she looks like? She’s the one in the middle.

Oh fine. Marinka is on the right. Look at the fabulous hair on her. I think she might be a Breck girl.

And thank you to Beth Blecherman  (Techmamas and Silicon Valley Moms Blog) for taking picture for me because I sort of didn’t charge my camera. If you ever forget your camera, always rely on a techmama because, UNLIKE everyone else, she will actually send you the jpegs that very night.

After the event, while we hunted for a cab in the rain, Marinka and I debated Vivienne Tam’s age…

“So how old do you think she is?” Marinka asked.

“I don’t know. Thirties,” I guessed.

“What? You think she looks like she’s in her THIRTIES?!” Marinka replied aghast.

Well, now I feel stupid.  But how the hell am I supposed to know? It’s not like I guess ages at the carnival in my spare time.

“So how old do you think she is?” I asked.

“Fifties,” Marinka estimated.

Turns out, Marinka is right. Which means two things…

1. Marinka is brilliant and obviously has life long experience working at a carnival.

2. And I really hope I look like Vivienne Tam when I grow up.