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Jul
27
2015

The other day I decided to go for a jog. So I put 2 year old Cash in the stroller and headed out…

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You know what? That might not exactly be me.

1. I don’t jog. I’m more of a fast walk kind of girl. Like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally. Because you know if you actually run, you might get a cramp and then you have to get someone to pick you up and you’ll have to break down the stroller and get it into the car trunk and well, that all sounds exhausting.

2. I don’t usually wear a stretchy bikini spandex outfit when exercising.

3. That couldn’t possibly be me because my son Cash is the Houdini of all strollers and would be out of that thing before I even had my first wedgy from that work out wear.

The kid can get himself out of all kinds of child safety straps. And then he usually takes off like a drunk cheetah in any direction. Or he just lies down the ground.

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Unsanitary? Perhaps. Better than running into traffic? Definitely.

So to recap, that ain’t my child in the stroller.

That photo is actually a new stroller ad for Bugaboo.

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I guess this marketing campaign targets hot model moms who like to run in swimwear.

If they debut a stroller for moms that speed walk like Billy Crystal and comes with a straight jacket mechanism to keep crazy toddlers from escaping, well, then they should contact me. Because I would totally be interested in that stroller.


Jul
23
2015

Target is in trouble – at least with some of it’s customers.

Some shoppers are really ticked off about this “Trophy” t-shirt being sold at the retail chain.

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They say it’s sexist and treats women like objects. And there’s even a petition on Change.org to get it removed from Target. With 13,000 signatures and counting.

Target has responded to the backlash by saying, “It is never our intention to offend anyone and we always appreciate receiving feedback from our guests. The shirt you’re describing is part of a collection of engagement and wedding shirts that are available in our women’s and plus size departments. The collection also included shirts that say ‘Team Bride,’ ‘Mrs.’ and ‘Bride.’ These shirts are intended as a fun wink and we have received an overwhelmingly positive response from our guests.”

But seriously, who would even wear a shirt like that?!

Trophy Wife T shirt

Oh never mind. I guess I would. Because I bought this sweatshirt like 4 years ago (not from Target).

My beef with the Target Trophy shirt is that it appears to be sort of unflattering and you can basically see through the material.

Plus, many shoppers on social media have said it’s hanging in the Juniors department and as a mom to three girls, I would not be happy to see it there. Fun wink or not.

But as a fun novelty gift for adults? I don’t see a problem with it. But where is the male equivalent?!

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Your move Target.

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Jul
20
2015

Just when you think there is nothing new out there – Bam. There is. And it’s women dying their armpit hair. I swear.

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Seriously. 

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This is happening.

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(Photos courtesy of Free Your Pits)

There is even a website (of course) called Free Your Pits that is dedicated to well, freeing your pits. The founders say, “Our goal is to use this demonstration of personal choice and expression to help broaden and challenge the standard of ‘beauty’ in a society that already places way too many harmful standards on women.”

Amen to that right?

But you don’t have to embrace the hair, to join their cause. They say, “Today we ask you to join us in this effort by being true to yourself, whatever that might mean. Whether you shave or not, women should be allowed to make decisions about their bodies without judgement from others.”

Absolutely. And now I feel sort of bad that I made one very close family member shave her armpits before she wore a sleeveless dress to my wedding so I hope she can forgive me for that.

Now if you want to grow out and color your armpit hair, you can go to a salon. But that can cost you like $65. Or if you are more the DIY type, there are YouTube tutorials.

Or I just sprayed my daughter’s pink hairspray on my shaven armpits.

How To Die Armpit Hair

What do you think? I got to join this trend without even getting hairy!

My armpits feel freer already.


Jul
16
2015

I don’t want to alarm you about my summer but I’ve already been to Chuck E. Cheese twice and it’s only mid July. For some reason, that is hard to pinpoint, all of my children really like Chuck E. Cheese. And I’m so glad they spell it Chuck E. Cheese which is so much more sophisticated than Chucky Cheese.

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When you enter a Chuck E. Cheese, you will immediately notice that it is very loud and there is a lot of free range parenting going on. There are kids just wandering around everywhere (including my own).

But not to worry because there is an employee stationed at the door who won’t let you leave unless the invisible stamp on your arm matches the invisible stamp on your children’s arms. This employee is always vigilantly standing guard unless of course he’s reading a very important text from his girlfriend. But most of the time, he’s at your service!

Now parents are only needed for two things at this establishment.

1. To buy the tokens.

2. Track down employees to fix the broken machines.

Buying the tokens is reasonably simple. You take your hard earned cash, stuff it in the machines and out pops tokens that allows your children to play games and win tickets. These tickets can then be redeemed for total crap like plastic rings, candy and stickers.

I can’t remember how much everything costs but about 40,000 tickets will buy you a miniature box of Nerds. Roughly.

As far as I’m concerned, the creators of this Chuck E. Cheese chain are brilliant. In some brainstorming session, one guy said, “How about if we make parents buy $30 worth of tokens and 30 minutes later, their kids will trade all their tickets in for a plastic plane that is broken before they get to the car.”

“Who would do that?” another person in the meeting asked.

“Desperate parents. That’s who.”

Everyone in the meeting nods. And with that Chuck E. Cheese was born!

Besides buying tokens, the other job of the parent is to find employees to fix the broken machines. Because there is always a machine that isn’t properly spitting out tickets or isn’t working at all.

It can be very hard to find one of these magical machine fixing employees which is why I try to keep them in eyesight at all times. And if that means I lose track of my 2 year old for a minute and he ends up in the back kitchen so be it. At least I can get those machines fixed on the double.

I know it’s time to leave Chuck E. Cheese when I feel my head spinning and one of my children has inexplicably lost her shoes. So I gather my kids and as we walk out the door, I realize that I just spent $20 on 4 Fun Dips and 5 Tootsie rolls.

But at least I have a photo keepsake that lasts forever.

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Jul
13
2015

Before you see Magic Mike XXL, keep in mind that you won’t be able to unsee this movie. Also – I can’t really spoil it for you because not much actually happens.

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Magic Mike (played by Tanning Chatum or Tatum Channing or Channing Tatum) plays a former stripper who decides to go on one last trip to a stripping convention with his buddies. They all seem to have trouble with the English language and there are long pauses in the dialog that are a wonderful opportunity to think about what you might have missed at the grocery store earlier in the day.

At the beginning of the movie, Magic Mike does a Flashdance inspired scene but instead of drooling over his dance moves and abs, you end up laughing and cringing.

Magic Mike Flashdance

Mostly because you can’t believe you paid $12 to see this movie (and that doesn’t count the Junior mints and the babysitter). And you will wish you were home in your pajamas, watching Jennifer Beals instead. Tatum is a great dancer but he’s just so cheesy in this, that you can’t even appreciate his abilities or eye candy appeal.

But you will enjoy lines (that you can later work into your every day conversations) like…

“Enough bro-time. It’s showtime!”

“If I go down, I’m going down in a tsunami of dollar bills.”

“When shit’s not going your way, getting a little crazy with some random friends can help you sort out your shit.”

True dat.

There’s one scene where one of Magic Mike’s buddies does an “erotic” dance inside a convenience store to try to make the clerk smile. You will die a little bit inside and probably won’t be able to eat Cheetos for quite awhile.

There are a lot of celebrities who make an appearance like Jada Pinkett Smith, Michael Strahan and Elizabeth Banks. I can only assume they will have trouble finding work after this. The actors almost look embarrassed to be in the movie. Matthew McConaughey (who played Dallas in the original) is the smart one who took a pass on XXL.

I actually expected a lot more stripping and dancing than this movie delivers. And when the guys do dance, it’s so incredibly not sexy. They just keep thrusting their pelvises in women’s faces and there is nothing swoon worthy about it.

The ending is sort of abrupt. Tatum and his bro’s are staring up at fireworks and I guess we are supposed to see the plot resolution in the lights reflecting off Tatum’s eyes.

He did meet a girl in the movie who really likes cake but no idea if they can make it work because he prefers cookies. I just think they could have given us one sweet scene where Tatum and his gal kiss and maybe plan how they are going to spend his newly acquired tsunami of cash.

The best acting you will find is the very charming Channing Tatum on the nightly talk show circuit pretending this is actually a movie worth watching.

We smuggled champagne into the theater but if you do decide to check out this flick, I would roll in an actual keg to make it bearable.

That said, Magic Mike XXL is so awful, I think I kind of liked it.



kelcey kintner


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