Hey all. It’s been some time since I’ve written. But I’ve been booked with all kinds of stuff. Preschool alone takes up a ridiculous amount of time. And tackling my sister Harlowe keeps me booked up as well.
And then I also recently got into my sister Summer’s slime. (Just try saying “sister Summer’s slime” three times fast – not easy my friends.)
Now my mom set some kind of vague rule like, “DON’T TOUCH THAT SLIME EVER” which I sort of viewed as optional. So the other day, when she was unpacking groceries or some other kind of lame adult activity, I thought I’d check it out.
It really is amazing what I can do in about 3 unsupervised minutes.
Now my mom, instead of supporting my creative spirit, got all upset. Especially since we had to leave asap to go get my siblings at school.
She was yelling a bunch which really hurt my sensitive ears. Take it down a notch lady. It’s not like I put the slime in my hair (which now I realize was a missed opportunity).
Anyway, she finally recovered and paid my older sister $10 to clean up all the slime I distributed around the house. (I think my sister should of negotiated a bit up. It’s like a 3rd world sweat shop over here.)
My mom has sort of been drowning in responsibilities because her main childcare help (my grandad) has been on safari in Africa for 3 weeks. I get it because I love a good elephant but my mom is getting a little nervous breakdownish so it’s time for him to come back. Do you hear me granddad? Put down the binoculars. Pack up your safari outfit and head home!
Everyone has been sick around here. I was at urgent care just a few days ago with a couple of my siblings. The doctor seemed super nice. She had this mole right above her eyebrow and it seemed rude not to mention it so I said…
“I love your nipple!”
It’s hard to describe the look on the doctor’s face. She only said, “Wow. I’ve never heard the before.” A simple thank you would have been nice.
A little later on she was back in the examining room and I felt the need to really stress my love for this mole/beauty mark/nipple thing above her eyebrow so I said…
“I love your nipple and your butt!”
Again, weird look from the doctor but my siblings thought it was hilarious! My mom was apologizing profusely and saying things like… I guess we will find a new urgent care.
So that’s about all with me. I’ve been working very hard decorating my Thanksgiving turkey for preschool. The problem is I go to school with a bunch of overachievers. So my turkey looks like this…
And their turkeys look more like this…
I mean what kind of time do these kids have on their hands? Go take a gymnastics or yoga class for gosh sakes and stop working on those turkeys.
Anyway, it’s not about the turkey. It’s about gratitude on Thanksgiving. And I feel very grateful I still know where my sister keeps her slime.
When it comes to traveling, it’s really important to follow the proper etiquette. Because it can be hard to remember the do’s and don’ts, I put together this little cheat sheet for you. Good luck and happy travels.
At the Airport:
When going though airport security, don’t take your laptop out of the case despite the fact that the TSA officer has shouted for everyone to take their devices out of the cases approximately 40 times. The officer will appreciate your laid back and no stress demeanor.
Do take your laptop or iPad out of its case at the very last minute (about the same time you realize you have three completely full S’well water bottles). The man behind you – who has 16 minutes to catch his flight – will appreciate your commitment to staying hydrated.
If you have children, you can have them burn energy by running circles around people who are trying to make their connecting flights.
You can get lots of great snacks at the airport. This may be your only opportunity to pay close to $10 for a bag of chips so carpe diem!
Be sure to take your children to the bathroom so they can tell you they don’t have to pee. They are going to save “desperately needing to pee” for take off.
On the Airplane:
At the beginning of the flight, be sure to mention to any nervous passengers, “It’s so exciting to be on this pilot’s first flight!”
Don’t try to stuff too much in the overhead compartment. Your neighbor will hold anything you can’t fit on his or her lap.
There will probably be more dogs than people on your flight. Remember – it doesn’t hurt to travel with a handful of dog biscuits.
This pig was recently on my dad’s flight…
(It seems like pigs are doing a lot more traveling than in the past. If a pig ends up next to you on a flight, don’t panic. Just make sure he’s updated on all emergency procedures and put his oxygen mask on after yours.)
If you’re sitting in the window seat, don’t go to the bathroom during the flight. But if you really really have to go, definitely do it just as drinks are being served and the tray tables are down. Remember climbing over your neighbors is always an option. Think of it as a mini American Ninja Warrior competition.
Don’t take off you shoes unless your fellow passengers like the smell of feet. Always assume your fellow passengers like the smell of feet.
If you forget your headphones, politely ask your neighbor, “Can I put one of your earbuds in my ear and watch that movie with you?”
If you end up being seated near the bathroom, you can keep busy by timing how long each person takes in the bathroom and letting them know their speed afterwards.
If you have a crying baby, it’s best to hand out $20 bills at the end of the flight. Or give one of the passengers your baby as a thank you. Your choice.
Once You Arrive at Your Destination:
Be sure to tell the taxi or Uber driver, exactly where to go. Because they’ve only lived in that city for 30 years. Plus you know so much more than Google maps.
This is a good time to make loud cell phone calls so the driver can really understand the hardships of your life like Bobby’s soccer class conflicting with Julia’s piano lesson.
Be sure to get a 5 star commitment from your Uber driver. Do whatever it takes… compliment him. Tip. Offer to send one of his kids to college. The point is – get that 5 star rating.
When you reach your destination, feel confident that you have been a truly polite and gracious traveler.
Huh. Maybe I should figure out childcare.
400 texts and calls later – childcare booked!
I’m leaving in a few days. I need to stop yelling at my kids so they think of me as a loving and wonderful mom.
I’m leaving in 24 hours! I really need to stop yelling at my kids so they think of me as a wonderful and loving mom.
Oh screw it, they know I have a good track record.
After typing out mountains of instructions with pick ups and drop offs and allergies and back up plans… why on earth did I decide to go away?!! Not worth it.
13 year old says something so sweet and heartwarming to me before I leave… “Mom, I know you’re going away to have fun with your friends and be young again but don’t forget that you have kids and buy us gifts.” Noted.
Morning of flight: I feel guilty! How can I leave my precious children? One suddenly has a sore throat. Another has a headache. Another is crying. Not sure why. I should investigate. Their cheeks are so soft and adorable. These are the times to remember. Life is going by too fast. How can I leave them? They will be just a little older when I return.
Omg. It’s only 2 days woman. Pull yourself together.
At airport. Texting schedule changes to all involved parties. I want to go away but I don’t want to go. I can’t go. I’m so exited to go. I guess I’m going.
(This is a sponsored post about an incredibly important issue that keeps our children safe. Please read this and I encourage you to take a quick action step that could make all the difference.)
I just did battle with a carseat. Yup. All to ensure that it was installed correctly. Can I put “carseat installation” on my resume because I’ve seriously been perfecting that talent for years?
That’s the kind of stuff we do for our kids. A million little things to make their world safer and healthier. From the food we buy to the baby gates we’ve installed (okay, paid someone to installed) to the teen we teach to drive (while we hyperventilate).
But we actually can’t do it alone. It’s not even possible. We depend on our government to protect our food, our air, our children’s toys and so much more.
But right now (and this is really the important part), there is legislation moving through Congress that guts crucial federal safety precautions.
(I know the phrase “federal safety precautions” can really cause one to feel very sleepy but I promise you this is short and I will show you a photo of a very cute hippo if you hang in there.)
These two pieces of legislation—the Regulatory Accountability Act and the REINS Act— which will make it impossible for agencies to implement and enforce commonsense safety laws that have broad public support.
Your kids lunchbox: Efforts that have been put into place to label for allergens, reduce sodium, eliminate trans fats, remove arsenic and lead from baby food/juice, label GMOs, etc. are all on the chopping block.
Clean Air and Water: The rise of asthma and other respiratory diseases are drastically increased by air pollution. These bills would make it harder to keep our air and water clean.
School safety: From asbestos in classrooms to lead in drinking water and even the safety of the school buses, the RAA and REINs Act would make it harder to keep our kids safe in school. Protections to safeguard our children from toxic chemicals would be difficult or even impossible to implement under these bills.
Toy/Product Safety: These bills would undermine product safety for nearly every item (toys, sippy cups, pacifiers, baby furniture) our children interact with by stalling or killing future protections.
Basically, this legislation, undermines many laws including the Clean Air Act, the Toxic Substances Control Act, the Occupational Safety and Health Act.
The RAA has already passed the House and the REINS Act was recently placed on the Senate Legislative Calendar.
Okay, now you’re thinking… I got it. I got it. But what can we do?
Email your member of Congress by clicking here. This will take you less than 30 seconds. I promise.
Whoa. Whoa. No cute hippos until you’ve clicked on that link.
You did it? You swear?
Okay, here you go…
Courtesy of the Cincinnati zoo.
A hippo on a raft! I’ve really outdone myself, right?
Okay, please tell your friends to get going and help us take action against the RAA & REINS Act by emailing their members of Congress by clicking here.
This is a sponsored post for CAMA. All ideas are my own.
My 4 year old son Cash has a way of finding trouble. The fact that one of our rugs and an entire bathroom were covered in slime and glitter just a few days ago is only the latest in a ridiculously long litany of spirited things he had done over the years.
But sometimes, it’s really not his fault. Like when he stepped on glass a few years ago.
(The very short back story: After two surgeries, doctors finally got the glass out but he would no longer step down on his foot. So after three months of physical therapy and three orthopedist consultations, he was in casts for 6 weeks to fix his walking. And it did. For a couple months. And then, he started walking on his toes again. I mean, OMG.)
So now he has to wear braces on his feet for 6 months. Which I can handle but it means he has to wear shoes two sizes too big in order to fit the braces. Which meant a trip to the shoe store to buy new shoes.
I found a great pair of sneakers on sale.
I also found a great pair of light up, super cool, totally not on sale sneakers. And as you know, sneakers can be expensive.
I was vacillating between the two.
And I finally decided that any kid who had two surgeries for glass in his foot, endured 3 months of physical therapy, wore two casts on his feet for 6 weeks and now had to wear braces for 6 months certainly deserved LIGHT UP, SUPER COOL, TOTALLY NOT ON SALE sneakers.
Even if I still can’t get the slime out of my rug.
So I went to the counter and waited while they rung up the sneakers.
But the manager (who overheard me discussing which sneakers to buy with my older daughters) did a little magic at the register and suddenly the light up, super cool, totally not on sale sneakers were much cheaper.
She said, “He deserves these sneakers and you deserve some money off!”
I was like, “Really?!”
I graciously thanked her.
Wow. That was really nice. And smart too. Because this lady with the 5 kids (me) will invariably need to be buying more shoes.
And where do you think I will always go now? Yup. That place.
(Which was DSW by the way.)
Being nice. It’s such a simple idea. And it can dramatically alter people’s day.
I often see the kids getting off the school bus at my twins’ elementary school when we are walking in. They are greeted by a school official with an extremely cheery “good morning,” high fives and even hugs.
Whatever is happening at home, these children are getting the warmest greeting when they get to school.
It’s beautiful to watch.
Yes, we can all be tired. And grumpy. And busy. But exerting kindness (even just a little kindness) has an unbelievable impact. It lifts people up. It encourages them to then do something kind for someone else. It’s a constant reminder of all the generous, amazing people in this world.
And that’s what I’m going to choose to think of every time I look at the braces on Cash’s feet.
Not the surgeries. Or the the physical therapy. Or the casts. Or that dumb piece of glass that started all of this craziness in the first place.
I will think of that nice woman at the shoe store. I will see kindness. And I will try to pass it on.