My oldest daughter is about to be 13. THIRTEEN. But this isn’t a post about, “How can I be a mother of a teenager?!!” Nope, not one of those. I mean I could write about that. Write about how she was a baby and then I blinked and how does time fly by so fast?!
But by the time I was done, you’d be thinking about your own children and how they grow up too quickly and you’ll likely be sobbing in a dark closet, clutching onto their old, worn lovey and well, none of us would feel good about that.
Plus I’m apparently too emotionally unstable for that kind of thing. I just teared up reading an article about surviving your “empty nest” even though I won’t actually have to deal with that for six more years. It’s good to get the crying out early.
So nope. This is about something different.
At the beginning of the summer, I realized something. I needed a better way to connect with my oldest child. She is an independent spirit who would be very content living on her own in a west village apartment in New York City right now if we would only let her.
A once very shy little girl, she rarely looks back now. Unless I’m holding the Starbucks frappuccino she ordered. (And yes, I still make her drink decaf even though she is very exhausted after 10 hours of sleep and would prefer caffeine.)
And yes, parents have to set the rules. She has to go to bed on time (even though she’s not tired at all) and we won’t let her get a dog (because pets aren’t fun when your parents are having nervous breakdowns) and we won’t let her have a TV in her room or let her keep her phone in her room at night and probably a million other things.
But I love her madly and want to connect more with this growing, independent, caring, amazing girl.
So I did what any parent would do. I got her an apartment in Manhattan and wallpapered the walls in Starbucks’ decals.
I mean, sort of like that. But way cheaper.
I joined Snapchat. Like joined it and actually learned how to do it. My daughter loves Snapchat. Her passion for keeping her streaks going with friends is unparalleled. The scientists trying to get to Mars should have her kind of determination.
So now I send Snapchats back in forth with my two oldest daughters and it’s a really fun way for us to check in and connect.
Plus, the filters can make you look pretty good (which is nice for anyone over 35. Okay over 40. Okay over… Never mind).
Even the ones that distort your face somehow make you look younger!
I even got my mom to do a Snapchat and will obviously cherish this photo forever…
I find when it comes to kids… you have to try to join them where they are. With my 4 year old, he’s into worms and frogs and a tiny dead crab we found on the beach the other day.
With my older girls, it’s Snapchat.
And going to H&M and Target. And playing in the ocean. And singing pop songs in the car.
And finding a show (like Gilmore Girls) to watch together. To take a break from the endless stream of YouTube videos that seem to be about fashion, slime, pranks and a million other things you forgot to think about today.
And having a few minutes to chat at night before bed because a child will tell you anything and I mean anything when they are trying to avoid going to bed.
And listening to them when they want to talk.
And trying not to get too frustrated when they won’t.
And joining them on the roller coaster of emotions even though I never loved roller coasters. At all.
So yes, thirteen is banging down my door. Only 6 years until she leaves for college. It’s forever and no time at all. It’s a lifetime and a moment.
I could cry. I think I’ll Snapchat her instead.
(This is a sponsored post for AMAZE. AMAZE is all about making sex education less awkward. Trust me, you need to know about this.)
Way back when I had my first little baby – I knew that SOME DAY, I would have to have “the talk.” That talk where parents feel uncomfortable and kids look shocked as they try to absorb some pretty crazy information about how they were created.
But this talk was way off in the distance. Nothing to be worried about since I was so focused on important parental details like… How the hell does this breast pump work? Why are people glaring at me when I give my baby a pacifier? And will I ever sleep again?
But about two seconds later, my oldest daughter was almost 10 and I knew it was time. I had purchased two books about where babies come from (by the way, no mention of how tequila can play a role). While some parents might view these books as a conversation starter, I viewed them as “doing the job for me.”
I read one of the books, answered a whole bunch of questions and declared myself a great mom! The talk was over and now my daughter could grow into a healthy, informed adult.
Except it wasn’t over. In parenthood, it’s never over.
Turns out, there isn’t one talk. There are many talks! It needs to be an open, ongoing conversation. Because kids need to learn way more than the definition of sex. They need to be educated about puberty, how to prevent pregnancies (long before they are faced with a sexual situation) and they need to learn about healthy and unhealthy relationships.
Because if you don’t talk to them about this stuff – they are still going to seek out the information. From their favorite celebrity YouTuber. Or their friends. Or some anonymous chat group.
Don’t. Because just like those books that help explain why sometimes mommy and daddy need alone time in their bedroom, with the lights out, the door locked and a little soft jazz playing in the background, there is a fabulous resource called AMAZE.
AMAZE seriously takes the awkward out of sex ed. On the site, you’ll find fun, humorous animated videos that give kids (ages 10 and up) all the info about sex, their bodies and relationships. And we all know, KIDS LOVE VIDEOS. So use it to your advantage.
AMAZE is like having the best wingman ever in teaching your kids about all this sex stuff. I love a wingman. So when you’re ready to teach your kids about birth control, a video like this can really help…
The Amaze Facebook page is also a great resource. So go on over there and see what they are posting. And here are some other helpful links…
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amazeparents
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/amazeorg
- YouTube: http://youtube.com/amazeorg
- Snapchat: https://www.snapchat.com/add/amazeorg
- Hashtag: #MoreInfoLessWeird
This post is sponsored by Amaze. All ideas are my own.
My mother is a huge dog lover and also adores having lots of photos around, so it’s not surprising that she has a frame like this…
On the right side is my nephew Callum. Not sure how he feels about being in a dog frame but we’ll let that go for now. On the left side is the dog photo that came with the frame.
Let me repeat that. On the left side is a stock photo that came with the frame. I guess that canine is some kind of dog model or something.
And my mom has had the frame for a couple years.
And here’s another interesting note. My mother HAS TWO DOGS. I’ll prove it.
Is anyone thinking what I’m thinking? (I mean, other than the obvious that I could totally be a professional dog photographer.) That maybe my mom’s dogs Lilly and Snoopy might just be perfect for a dog frame with room for two photos!
So one of my kids finally asked my mom why she didn’t put her dogs in this “Woof” frame.
And these were the reasons:
- My mom thinks the picture of the dog that came with the frame is cute.
- My mom doesn’t take pictures of her dogs.
- My mom doesn’t know how to print pictures of her dogs that would fit the frame.
Okay, some valid reasons there.
The truth is – every time I look at the photo with the unknown model dog and my nephew Callum, I have to totally smile because it’s my mother’s personality in a nutshell. She sees no need to conform to the world in the way other people might think she should.
My mom has always been this way. She is quirky. And different. And doesn’t really care about dumb stuff. She’s too busy caring about people and things that matter. She doesn’t have time to fuss over some frame that already has a cute dog in it. IT CAME WITH A CUTE DOG. WHY MESS WITH IT?
I’m pretty confident that once my mom reads this post (which she will), she will ask me to print out those two photos of her dogs Lilly and Snoopy and put them in the Woof frame. But I’m not doing it.
She’d be depriving the rest of us of the reminder that being true to yourself is what life is about.
And when life presents any of us with our own version of “a cute dog in a picture frame,” just say thank you and don’t mess with it.
On a Friday night at work, my husband Rick (a TV news anchor) had 3 missed calls from the same number. And then a text from the same number. From someone he does not know.
But she was positive she had the right number. And she did go on to clarify. At length.
I think the takeaway here is that Monique is bad news and is always out to sabotage one of her friends. Which is totally not cool and now I’m super pissed at Monique, despite not knowing her at all. But we ladies can’t be out sabotaging each other. Right?
But again, this is all being texted to Rick’s work phone. And he tries to clarify once more time that she has the wrong number.
That’s all he gets after investing himself in the whole saga. Just an “ok.” No, “Thanks for listening.” Or “What do you think now that you’ve read the whole situation?” Or “Please don’t tell Monique any of this.”
Just an, ok.
Well, at the very least, I hope she now watches her news on CBS channel 4.
There comes a moment in everyone’s life when they look at their piece of crap car and think to themselves, “I’m better than this. Aren’t I?”
That’s what happened to me. I looked at my pretzel-littered minivan with almost 150,000 miles on it and a special essence that even a professional detailing can’t quite remove and thought – I need more than this in life.
I spend roughly 20,000 hours in the car a week… driving children, picking up children and blasting music so as not to hear previously mentioned children whining and squabbling and crying. I just couldn’t spend one more minute in this hot mess of a car. If only for my own self worth.
So the search began. What to buy when you have 5 kids and know in your heart that if you buy anything too big you will be side swiping trees and other vehicles on a daily basis? We looked at everything from the Tahoe to the Nissan Armada to the Honda Pilot to the Chevy Traverse to the Infinity to the Anything Else Anyone Mentioned.
But everything seemed too big. Or too small. Or not enough space in the back. Or just lame. Or just too expensive. Or too not-a-Mini-Cooper.
I knew I had hit rock bottom when I resorted to the internet and pleaded with my Facebook friends to please tell me what to buy. This was my favorite piece of advice.
I also learned that people LOVE their cars. But the more advice we got, the more confused I became.
My children pleaded, “When are we buying a new car?”
I don’t know, I said. I was frozen. I couldn’t answer the eternal question of our time… What comes after the minivan?
And then we made a decision. We just stopped looking. We paid to fix our ailing minivan with the convenient sliding doors, plethora of cargo space and the crushed pretzels on the floor. It will certainly last the summer. Maybe even into the fall.
Our minivan isn’t forever. But for now, we can’t quite shake it.